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American pundits fearful after learning of man arrested for insulting Thai King
12/8/2011 3:32 PM Matt Rock -
Scores of American media personalities, some Liberal and some Conservative, have been left terrified upon hearing the breaking news story of a Thai-born American citizen, Lerpong Wichaikhammat, also known as Joe Gordon, 55, being sentenced today in Thailand to two and a half years in prison for posting excerpts of a Thai-banned biography about the country's King online. Television, radio, and internet pundits are reportedly packing bags and fleeing the United States, or going into hiding locally, in fear of retribution for recent and past comments about America's Presidents.
“I built my whole career on dissing George W. Bush,” explained a panicked Keith Olbermann, formerly of MSNBC and now a pundit for Current TV. “What if this catches on here in the United States? You never know what crazy thing will come out of this current Congress of ours. I'm packing my suits, my Yankees crap, my cat and all of his stuff, and we're getting the hell out of Dodge!”
Conservative TV host and Olbermann arch-rival Bill O'Reilly was equally terrified. “I'm often referred to as the sanest person on Fox News, but sweet Jesus, I've said `a whole lot' about that pinhead President Obama over the past few years. I'll bet the Secret Service is about to kick my door in any minute now! What ever happened to freedom of speech? Freedom of the press?! Granted, I'm not a real news man. I'm just an overpaid hack who opines on the news other people do the legwork on. But I'll be damned if I'm sent off to prison for voicing my opinion!”
Many wonder why American pundits are so worried about the arrest of Wichaikhammat/ Gordon. Conservative crazy-person Glenn Beck offered his theory, though, during his radio program earlier today. “Back in November, during Obama's `America is Socialist now world, don't you worry' tour, he sat down with the Prime Minister of Thailand, Yingluck Shinawatra. Do I need to spell it out for you? They're obviously in cahoots! They're both Muslim terrorist-sympathizers hellbent on using the Constitution as toilet paper!”
Several officials in the United States government, including members of Congress, the Senate, and even the White House, have stated throughout the day that the fears of American pundits are unfounded, with some going so far as to call them ludicrous. “President Obama has no intentions of having any American journalists, or even pseudo-journalists like the folks at Fox News, arrested,” declared a memo to the press from White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “He isn't going to authorize such arrests on behalf of former Presidents, either. He's gotten quite used to all of the lunacy in American politics today. If you can't laugh at the crap these nut-jobs come up with, I don't see how you could leave your house on any given day!” - Return to Previous Page
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