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Trump abandons GOP debate, prepares “Vaudevillian” presidential campaign
12/14/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock
Real estate magnate and reality TV host Donald Trump has bowed out of his commitment to host a GOP Presidential debate on December 27th, citing a potential conflict of interest should he decide to change his mind and run in the 2012 presidential race. The announcement came to the tune of applause from the general public and the GOP, and heartbreak experienced by political satirists and the Obama campaign.
But there's a silver lining for that latter group. According to numerous sources close enough to Mr. Trump to see the seams on his wig without much careful scrutiny, the Donald is planning on a “huge” Presidential campaign, which he'll most likely kick off in early or mid January. The campaign will most likely last right down to the bitter end, when Trump will drop out just in time for November sweeps.
“It's more a vaudeville act than a presidential campaign,” said one source, who may or may not have been Trump's gold-digging mail-order bride, err, uh, super-hot model wife, Melania Trump. “It's not at all similar to any Presidential campaign I've heard of. Each campaign stop will have a rock music performance, magic acts by David Blaine and David Copperfield and three other magical Davids, a slapstick comedy routine, a petting zoo featuring Donald's old hairpieces, acrobats, a freak show, and then Donald will make a speech where he mostly plugs his reality shows and casinos.”
However, according to an anonymous lackey working in the office of Trump's Hollywood talent agency, the Donald's 2012 Presidential bid is far more nefarious than simply plugging his reality TV shows. “From what I can tell, he actually wants to split the GOP vote down the middle, ensuring an easy win for President Obama. The way he apparently sees it, a win for Obama will equate to four more years of politically-inspired PR stunts to raise his profile, as well as books, TV specials, documentary films... he wants Obama to win just as badly as Newt Gingrich does, because it'll make him a fortune if that happens. Of course, he still hasn't been married to anyone who actually loved him as a person, so in the end, no matter how much he seems to win, he's still losing.” - Return to Previous Page
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