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Hint of color leaks into North Korea, civil unrest ensues
12/21/2011 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
In the wake of the death of Kim Jong Il, a tiny sliver of colored light seeped into North Korea yesterday afternoon, according to South Korean operatives who witnessed the event transpire. At this hour, the North Korean people are rioting in the streets and attempting to violently overthrow the government, Reportedly chanting and yelling that they've been denied color for countless years.
“You have to understand that North Korea has been in black and white for many generations now,” explained North Korean Ambassador to the United Nations So Se Pyong. “To see everything in black and white your whole life, and to only hear things through a crackling static noise, and then to suddenly see actual color and hear clear sounds, it is very overwhelming. I had to undergo very special sensory training to be able to accept this duty in the United Nations.”
Color, which was outlawed by the North Korean government along with everything else when they became a communist nation, was last seen in North Korea in 1999, when Kim Jong Il accidentally left a palace door open. The government narrowly contained the spread of color, barely avoiding then the major civil unrest they're experiencing now.
“Once you get a little color across your border, it's nearly impossible to contain,” said So Se Pyong. “It spreads like wildfire, or an oil spill, or herpes. You see everything in technicolor at first, and then when your eyes adjust, everything is 1080p and scary as hell.”
North Korea is expected to respond to the rioting by mass-murdering a third of their population, blaming the killings on the United States, and then feeding everyone in their country double their rations for a special dinner, where they'll get 1/8th of a hotdog rather than 1/16th. It still remains unclear whether heir-apparent Kim Jong Un will become the country's next supreme leader, or if the job will fall to Canadian pop star Justin Bieber. All that is known at this hour is that whoever the next “Glorious Leader” is, they'll probably wear sunglasses that are way too big for them. - Return to Previous Page
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