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President Obama faces last-minute caucus challenge from Rick Perry
1/3/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
While the GOP primary is far from being decided, with the Iowa caucuses starting tonight at 7pm local time, President Obama has cruised through the process without any opposition... until now. Texas Governor and fallen GOP primary star Rick Perry, who used to be a Democrat and served as Al Gore's 1988 presidential campaign chairman in Texas, has reportedly switched sides this morning in a stunning attempt to steal President Obama's otherwise-guaranteed nomination out from under him.
“No one could have seen this coming. We're all stunned,” said White House Senior Advisor and 2008 Obama campaign architect David Plouffe. “Everyone knew Perry was crazy, and crazy people tend to do crazy things, especially when they've been up against the ropes for as long as he has. But no one predicted he'd become a Democrat and challenge the President from the left. It's a bold move.”
Perry's campaign reportedly worked on the strategy all night, completely revamping their website, developing a new liberal message, and organizing one of the biggest campaign polarity shifts in political history. It remains unclear if the move will work, but Perry himself seemed impressed by his campaign's efforts.
“President Obama ain't been liberal enough for my liking,” said Perry at an early morning press conference announcing the new ploy. “Starting today, I'm America's most liberal, most progressive presidential candidate. When you elect me, I'm going to kill off the Bush tax cuts, raise the Federal minimum wage, strengthen regulations on the markets, push for real universal healthcare to replace the corporation-loving Obamacare plan, and with my old pal Al Gore by my side, America will prosper as the world leader in green technology and natural energy production! We are the 99%! Free Mumia! Yes we can! YEE HAW!”
According to various experts, Perry's shocking move is perfectly legal, and while unorthodox, there are no DNC rules prohibiting it. However, the entire plan hinges on Perry's ability to remember that he needs to file as a Democrat by 5pm EST tonight. “There's still hope that this plan of his will fall through,” said Plouffe. “You saw what happened to Perry in Virginia, when he forgot to file the paperwork to get him on the ballot there for the primary. So long as no one tells him about it, there's a good chance he'll completely forget and remain a Republican.” - Return to Previous Page
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