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Bill Daley realizes his job is hard, steps down as White House Chief of Staff
1/10/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley issued a letter of resignation to President Obama yesterday afternoon, with media outlets reporting a rumor that Daley, 63, is returning to his native Chicago due to homesickness. However, insiders are claiming today that Daley woke up in his office shortly after brunch on Monday, realizing that his job is really, really hard.
“I wouldn't say it was really an `aha' moment, but you could really see it on his face that he was only just realizing that being the Chief of Staff in the West Wing is a tough job,” said an anonymous White House senior-level advisor, whose name may or may not rhyme with “Tavid Glouffe.” “We went into his office, three of us, and caught him sleeping. He woke up, and you could see the seven stages of grief, with a brief intermission between each, playing out under those badger-fur eyebrows of his.”
“Watching a grown man cry is one thing. Watching one cry while sucking his thumb, that's something different entirely,” said another anonymous staffer, who was Pete Rouse, and doesn't get to be anonymous because he enjoys cats a little too much. “He was a sobbing, sloppy mess when we found him. I guess he'd cried himself to sleep in his office the night before. It's a difficult job, and most people aren't up to the task. But man, it doesn't get much less prepared than that.”
Daley reportedly blew his nose before hastily typing up a resignation letter, slapping a signature and date onto it with reckless abandon before cramming it under his office's adjoining door to the Oval Office. President Obama allegedly argued with him about it, trying to convince him to stay, but it was of no avail.
“Daley kept saying `I want to go home, I miss my home.' It was a sad thing to watch,” said Rouse. “But I mean, what do you even say when you see something like that, you know? I feel bad for the guy. He's going into the full-swing of a White House battling for an incumbency stay, against an opposing party that pretty much sticks fingers in their ears and makes farting sounds whenever you're trying to move things forward, all while the First Lady is slapping you around in the halls... I think we all understand why he's leaving, and none of us can say we'd do any different.” - Return to Previous Page
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