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Fox News responds to Stephen Colbert's primary run with less-funny run of their own
1/14/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert may have bitten off more than he can chew on Thursday night when he, joined by his lawyer and Jon Stewart, announced that he was running for President in South Carolina. Now, a second comedian is entering the 2012 race, only this one is less funny and doesn't have any fans: Greg Gutfeld, the host of Fox News' “Red Eye” show, will run in the Pennsylvania Primary against the incumbent President Obama.
“Most people don't even know that `Red Eye' is a show on Fox News. The only reason we haven't pulled the show off the air yet is because Goldline hasn't bought up the time slot for paid programming,” said Fox News CEO and Alfred Hitchcock look-alike Roger Ailes. “But don't let that deter you from thinking Greg has a shot in the Pennsylvania primary. He can go all the way.”
Ailes and News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch reportedly decided early on Friday that Gutfeld, who lived in Pennsylvania for a decade, should run against President Obama in the DNC primary on April 24th. “They figured it all out over brunch,” said an anonymous Fox News insider. “It's a challenge, because no one knows that `Red Eye' exists, and the people who were unlucky enough to see it haven't registered it as comedy, probably because nothing funny has ever happened on the show.”
Their plan? According to our sources, Fox News will do what Fox News does best: they'll invent the news to suit their agenda. “Our popular shows will start heavily advertising that Gutfeld is going to run, with marching orders to discuss it at least once every thirty minutes or so. Of course, this will present another challenge, because we don't want viewers tuning in to `Red Eye' to see what the show is like, only to endure something like that final scene in `Raiders of the Lost Ark.' All that would do is drive viewers away from Fox News entirely, and we don't want that.” - Return to Previous Page
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