Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Oklahoma bill hopes to ban the use of aborted fetuses in food
1/28/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
A bill introduced by State Senator Ralph Shortey of Oklahoma would, if passed, outlaw the sale of food containing aborted human fetuses. While Shortey and other proponents claim the bill is largely aimed at stem cell research involved in developing better artificial sweeteners, some feel the bill is actually targeted at fast food chains with mysterious ingredients.
“No one really knows what goes into making bologna or hot dogs. And I've had a few cheeseburgers in my day that were pretty questionable as well,” said a top aide to Senator Shortey. “We've all heard the phrase that no one wants to see how the sausage gets made. Well, we really do want to, but only so we can make sure human fetuses aren't being ground up into pulp and fed to consumers. It's a perfectly reasonable concern.”
“Soylent Green was people, right? How can we be sure other food isn't also people?” Asked another of Senator Shortey's aides. “I mean, you might say something like `ooh, I think I'll eat one of these healthy and delicious Go-gurts.' But what never crosses is your mind is `hmm, I wonder if I'm squeezing a human life into my mouth?' You just never think that. So this bill will do that thinking for you. Better safe than cannibal, I always say.”
However, some food companies are strongly opposed to the new legislation. “There was a bunch of hubbub about our taco meat not long ago,” said Taco Bell CEO Greg Creed. “Now, I'm not saying there's any human fetuses in our meat. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. But I will say this, it's legislation like that proposed by Senator Shortey that is strangling business innovation in this country! Have you ever chowed down on a human fetus? How do you know it isn't the most delicious thing you'd have ever eaten? Not that you should, I'm just saying is all.” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|