Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Romney hosts Super Bowl party, bores a man to death
2/5/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock
GOP primary frontrunner Mitt Romney is being accused by the Boston Police department of involuntary manslaughter after a campaign staffer passed away earlier this evening from an apparent overdose of boredom at Romney's palatial home.
The victim, whom police are currently refusing to identify, apparently slipped into a coma and died shortly thereafter sometime around 8:15 PM EST. Witnesses claim the man was trying to watch the game, but the party was so terribly dull that his brain succumbed to his unwavering desire to be anywhere other than Mitt Romney's party.
“There are lame parties, and then there are out-of-touch Mormon millionaire parties,” said one anonymous party-goer. “Mitt doesn't understand what makes a Super Bowl party fun, and he tried painfully to relate to everyone, and that's what brought the party to its knees. How anyone made it out of there alive is well beyond me.”
Authorities say that Romney served fruit punch, crackers, filet mignon, and caffeine-free root beer. The root beer, which Romney didn't drink, was purchased after someone had suggested to Romney that he stock the party with “beer and wings.” To fulfill the latter request, Romney hired Sir Paul McCartney's band “Wings” to perform, but without amplifiers because “loud rock and roll is the devil's music.” He also themed the party with wings; airplane wings, bird wings, etc. Some witnesses claim there were a dozen or more live chickens roaming the halls as well.
However, authorities say Romney hasn't been arrested. “You can't just walk into a rich guy's house and arrest him,” said Boston Police Chief Daniel P. Linksey. “We'll arrest Mitt once we get a special cell prepared for him, with a big-screen TV and a private ATM. Until then, he'll just have to roam the streets. And besides, we don't want to disturb him... he went to sleep at about 8:30 tonight.” - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.