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GOP voters “scared to death” by gay marriage court ruling, vote for Santorum in droves
2/8/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum pulled off three huge wins last night after GOP voters flocked to the two caucuses and one primary scheduled then. Exit polling showed that Conservative voters were overwhelmingly terrified by yesterday's Federal appeals court decision that California's ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional.
“This is how it starts!” yelled one Santorum supporter in a Missourian parking lot not far from the stage where Santorum spoke last evening. “First they tell you gays can get married in one State, then it starts happening in every State, and before you know it, your straight marriage is null and void and you're sent off to pack fudge with some guy who likes the wrong football team! This is what's happening to America under Obama!”
One Colorado woman expressed a similar concern. “I'm mortified by what they just said in California. I'm an honest, faithful, heterosexual wife and a mother of two. I do everything my husband asks me to do. The only time I've ever gone all the way with a woman was when my husband ordered me to have a three-way with a woman he knew from work, and I did it patriotically, because that's what a good wife does! And it isn't gay if your husband is participating. Why should our marriage be destroyed by gay people? It's not fair!”
Polling figures show that likely Republican voters all throughout the United States are highly confident that Rick Santorum is the only candidate who can stop the homosexual menace. “He's the only candidate that can get things done when it comes to the gays,” said a Minnesota man who attended last night's caucus. “He took a stand against them, and what did they do in retaliation? They put that terrible thing up on Google! A terrible, horrible thing that isn't funny to any Conservative anywhere in the world, ever! If Rick Santorum can put up with that, then by golly, he can put up with anything!” - Return to Previous Page
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