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Dennis Kucinich: “Stop confusing me with Ron Paul!”
2/15/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) has had his fill of strangers mistaking him for Congressman and GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul (R-TX). Kucinich called together a press conference an hour ago to address the issue, stating that people have approached him almost daily since Paul became one of the final four contestants in the GOP primaries.
“This has to stop. We don't even look alike!” yelled an irate Kucinich. “People keep saying we're similar. That we're both tiny, frail, cantankerous old men made famous by the crazy things we say, and our `out-there' ideas, who ran for President without a hope in hell of winning it. But come on... I can't go out on a date with my ridiculously hot wife that I don't deserve without some jerk stopping me and asking me about Ron Paul's ideas! Dag-nab-it, this needs to end! Now!”
Kucinich says these sorts of episodes boiled to a point last week. “My almost comically-gorgeous wife, who simply has to be with me for money or a green card or something, was carrying me in her purse like she often does, when a group of guys in Ron Paul T-shirts stopped us, and started bowing at our feet. They sacrificed a cat in my... well, in Ron's... honor, right there! My hilariously-sexy wife was terrified! And I couldn't defend her, because I'm like, 4 feet tall, and she's, you know, a giant!”
“It's scary when your perceived doppelganger is the head of the most terrifying political cult since Eisenhower's run with the Masons. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind having half a million lunatics backing my every word, willing to die to protect my honor or whatever, but when they're confusing you with their own messiah, things get pretty scary, pretty fast!” - Return to Previous Page
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