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Ron Paul actually means all that bat shit crazy stuff
2/20/2012 7:05 AM Floyd Harden -
Ron Paul told a crowd of stunned supporters today that if he is elected President, he will actually do all of those crazy things he has spent the last several months on the campaign trail promising he would do. The Texas Congressman’s shocking announcement caused many in the crowd gathered at the Veteran’s Memorial Hall in Orion, Michigan, to pass out or pretend they had gotten lost on the way to a co-worker’s barbeque, while others wet their pants and punched themselves in the mouth rather than face the fact that the candidate they support is really and truly bat shit crazy.
Twenty-seven year old Marcia Wendt spoke for many in the crowd who were disillusioned by Paul’s promise to remain true to his principles. “All I ever cared about was his promise to legalize drugs. Everything else he had to say was too crazy to be true. But tonight, when he said he meant all that other stuff, too, I got a chill up my spine and I found myself wetting my pants and punching myself in the mouth. What a horrible experience! I sure could use a little heroin in the old bloodstream right about now.”
Thirty-two year old Timothy Wellcott struggled to describe the experience of discovering the politician he supports actually believes the stupid stuff he says. “This is surreal, man. What kind of world are we living in where a politician means the nutty shit that comes out of his mouth? If I wanted to support a lunatic, I would have just gone with Michele Bachmann. Now, you’ll have to excuse me while I, uh, call my co-worker to get directions to that, uh, barbeque.”
Afterwards, the candidate seemed surprised by what had taken place. “I’ve been saying all along that in my first year I would cut a trillion dollars out of the budget, bring all our troops home and return the U.S. economy to the gold standard. I guess nobody believed me because I tend to giggle at the ends of my sentences. I probably ought to work on that, hee hee hee.” - Return to Previous Page
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