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Bin Laden's Pakistan compound to be torn down, replaced with shopping mall
2/25/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
An estate in Pakistan formerly owned by Osama Bin Laden, who is swimming with the fishes after the US Navy's SEAL Team Six busted a cap in his rear end, is slated for demolition by the government, sources claim. In its stead, government officials are planning to construct a new shopping mall, though it is believed that this is meant to serve as an homage to the world's most sought-after terrorist since Carlos the Jackal, rather than an insult.
“Bin Laden was all like `death to America!' But he was as American as they come,” said one senior-level Pakistani military official, who requested anonymity. “He drank Pepsi, he watched porn, and he washed that ridiculous three-foot beard of his with Herbal Essences, just like any American would. And he was a real sap when it came to Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies.”
Bin Laden, who managed to live in his compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan surrounded by Pakistani military officials, evaded capture for years because, according to one source, “they really liked Bin Laden.”
“We're playing both sides of the field here,” said another anonymous source, this one in the Pakistani government. “We're appeasing the West by knocking down his compound, and to them, our building a shopping mall on the property is an affront to Bin Laden. But everyone in the know understands that it's actually a shrine to him. A shrine that's going to sell a whole lot of porn and Pepsi!” - Return to Previous Page
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