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Desperate for a win, Ron Paul will tour Washington State dressed like Kurt Cobain
2/29/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
With Mitt Romney's narrow win in Michigan and more impressive Arizona victory behind us, most of the candidates are eying Super Tuesday on March 6th as their last real hope for redemption, as they focus their campaigning efforts on winning as many of the caucuses and primaries held next week as they can. But one candidate, Ron Paul, isn't planning on skipping over the solid blue, west coast State of Washington, who holds their caucus this Saturday.
“All of the other candidates are looking at Super Tuesday and hoping they can win as many of those States as they can,” said Ron Paul's campaign manager, John Tate. “We're pouring our resources into Super Tuesday as well, but we made sure to focus as much as we could afford on Washington State. A win there just ahead of Super Tuesday would be excellent, seeing as how Ron is the only candidate in the race that hasn't won a single State yet.”
Tate says campaigning in Washington can be done on the cheap, too. “We're taking a play right out of Bob Dole's playbook. Bob Dole toured Washington State dressed like legendary 90's grunge icon Kurt Cobain, so that's what we'll do with Ron Paul. We'll put him in a bleached wig with hair in his face, stick him in a Freddy Kruger-style striped sweater, replace his shoes with some old, beat-up Chuck Taylor's, and get him to sing the song `Lithium' in every venue that'll have us, from Seattle to Spokane. And if he sneaks into Idaho, like in Coeur D' Alene, say, and does his `show' there, then hey, awesome, that's a Super Tuesday State!”
Meanwhile, Mitt Romney's campaign is rumored to be considering a similar approach with their candidate. According to sources inside the Romney campaign, several senior-level meetings have taken place, to discuss the possibility of Romney dressing up like a member of 1970's funk band `The Ohio Players' to woo the state's 66 delegates in his favor. Of course, all of the members of The Ohio Players were black, but it'll be a lot funnier if no one tells him that. - Return to Previous Page
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