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Who would Justin Bieber vote for now that he's 18? PTP analyzes his songs to find out!
3/1/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
That's right ladies (and some of you guys), you read the headline correctly: Justin Bieber is now officially 18 years old, and you no longer need to concern yourself with getting arrested by the police, who can't read your mind anyway. Lucky you, right?
As everyone rants and raves about Bieber turning 18, Pardon the Pundit is examining this from another, less pedophile-friendly angle: Who would this talentless, auto-tuned Canadian vote for in the 2012 elections, provided he actually did vote and didn't act like most people his age? To find the answer to this gripping question, we've raided PTP Staff Writer Alyson Durden's MP3 player to find a full playlist of all of Bieber's songs, and by analyzing the titles, we think we can figure out who he'd support... even though all of his songs were written for him. Please note that we're basing this purely on song titles. Straight males have no business listening to Justin Bieber's music, at any age!
There are some signals that Bieber would vote for Republicans. His song titles “Pray” and “That Should Be Me” are clear indicators that he would probably be a Republican, while “Overboard” is a song title that could easily apply to a ballad about illegal immigration, even though we're 90% sure it's another cheesy, terrible love song. “One Less Lonely Girl” and “Baby” might have something to do with ending abortions, and “Never Let You Go” is a great song title for how Republicans refuse to let President Obama get away with anything.
Meanwhile, he also has a lot of song titles that seem Democrat-themed. “Bigger” might relate to the bigger government Democrats believe America needs. “Common Denominator” could be construed as relating to how Democrats fight for common people, rather than the wealthy and corporations, as could the song “Eenie Meenie.”
So, our final analysis? It looks like Justin Bieber is, as far as we can tell anyway, a moderate Republican. Of course, moderate Republicans are largely voting for President Obama over any of the more radical candidates in the GOP, if they vote at all, so you can pretty much toss a coin on this one. Of course, Justin Bieber is Canadian, so all of this is academic... or something. - Return to Previous Page
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