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Bigfoot makes grainy appearance at Washington State caucuses, votes for Romney
3/3/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock
Caucus-goers in the State of Washington were stunned today when a massive, hairy humanoid, standing at an estimated 7.5' in height, burst into a local caucus in Bellingham, to cast his vote in the GOP caucuses being held throughout the State.
“I never thought I'd live to see the day, but there he was... Sasquatch,” said Wallace Davenport, 64, a Democrat who happened to work nearby the caucus location. “He came around the corner, and I nearly crapped myself. Then he beat his hand on his chest and roared `ROMNEY!' Yep, I really did crap myself after that.”
Witnesses claim that Bigfoot then smashed his way into the building, “scaring the wits” out of caucus attendees with another roar before hurling a hipster Ron Paul fan through a window. He then reportedly demanded that someone cast a vote in his name for Mitt Romney, symbolically dismembering a guy wearing a sweater vest as both a show of support, and a confirmation that he most certainly didn't mean Rick Santorum.
Why would the presumed-to-be fictional monster of lore vote for Romney? Some local Republicans have their own theories. “Mitt Romney's sons all look like cavemen, and if you think about it, cavemen are just a stone's throw from being Sasquatch,” said Mary Sterling, 44. “So there's probably some family connection there.” Others told PTP that Romney is the tallest of all the candidates, or so they presumed, and his physical stature might play some role in the monster's decision.
But some local residents believe Bigfoot is simply misunderstood. “It's not like he has television or the internet, so he can't really make an informed decision,” said Isabel Crowley, 27, a local musician and self-described Democrat. “The poor little guy probably saw a Romney bumper sticker, learned a word, and went out to vote for him. That's a better excuse than most of Romney's supporters have!” - Return to Previous Page
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