Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Newt challenges Santorum to a duel to decide who stays in the race
3/8/2012 7:05 AM Alyson Durden -
After hearing that Rick Santorum was calling on him to drop out of the race for the White House, Newt Gingrich challenged the former Pennsylvania Senator to a duel to determine who will take on Mitt Romney for the GOP nomination. The former Speaker said that Santorum can pick the time and place, but asked that they abide by the long-standing rules of duels and hold the event at sunrise or sunset.
"Clearly, this protracted campaign is hurting the Party with the electorate who have long since grown tired of this process and, frankly, of us. Therefore I propose we decide this using a tried and true method -- an old fashioned duel. Senator Santorum can select the location and whether we hold this at sunrise or sunset. I am even willing to do this on his home turf. I will go anywhere he wants to do this. We need to get this over with, we need to show America that we are serious about defeating both Mitt Romney now and Barack Obama in the fall," Gingrich told reporters.
The Santorum campaign did not wait long to respond and a spokesperson told us, "We understand the Speaker is frustrated with his showing both on Tuesday and in other states. Was it a month ago or so that he proclaimed himself the definite GOP nominee? Has he won much since then? More than us? No. We are going to let the American people decide who should run against Obama in the fall, not some crazy old-timey ritual. Though we should add that Senator Santorum strongly supports all Americans' rights to own firearms and to use them in any way they see fit."
FOX News executives were initially excited by the idea of televising such an event and told reporters, "A duel? We can have Herman Cain, you know he has just signed on with us as an analyst. That would be great." Later, the network issued a retraction: "FOX News does not condone the use of violence to determine a presidential nominee or for any other reason. Any other statements contrary to that do not reflect the policy of the network." - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|