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Bush endorses Obama!
3/9/2012 3:05 PM Floyd Harden -
Former President George W. Bush shook up the Republican establishment last night when he announced that he is endorsing Barack Obama for President. Surprisingly, the announcement drew little interest from the four contenders for the Republican nomination – though Ron Paul did criticize Bush’s endorsement as, “exactly the kind of crazy thing Ron Paul would do! Tee hee hee!”
Speaking to reporters gathered outside Hoofers, the Texas steakhouse where he likes to hang out with friends and pretend he used to boss Dick Cheney around, the former President described his choice to endorse Obama as “the hardest decidering I’ve ever decidered since I decidered to hold off on killin’ Bin Laden 'til two years after I was outta office. Yee haw! I’ll bet that son of a bitch was surprised as hell, just sittin’ there in his compound happy as a drunk hog in warm mud a’ watchin’ Gilligan’s Island reruns when... BAM! ‘What? What the hell was that?! Oh crapola! It’s SEAL Team Six?! Not now! Ginger is finally about to do it with Gilligan! Wait! You wouldn’t shoot the indiscriminate murderer of thousands in the eye, would you? Whoa! I guess you would! Aaaarrrgghhh!!! Holy crap that hurt!!! Now I’m dead!!!’ Anyhow, that was some tough decidering, but this one was pretty tough, too.”
Asked to explain his decision, Dubya told reporters, “I may not have been the best President ever but I had the job long enough to know that not any idiot can do it. It takes a special kinda idiot to do what I did and, as far as I can tell, all the idiots running for Obama’s job are just regular idiots – nothin’ special. I don’t see eye to eye with Obama on nothin’ but one thing’s for sure – that man ain’t no idiot.”
When they learned of Bush’s decision, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich released a rare joint statement that was entirely consistent with the strategy that has worked so well for them throughout the campaign: “We have no idea who this impostor who says he used to be President is. We just know that after sixteen years of Bill Clinton and four years of Barack Obama, Americans are ready for a Republican in the White House, but not Ron Paul.” - Return to Previous Page
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