Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Romney's vacation homes secure him wins in Guam, Northern Marianas
3/10/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock -
GOP primary frontrunner Mitt Romney is celebrating more wins today, after having secured delegates from Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands, which are located somewhere in the Pacific ocean between, uh, Hawaii and the Philippines? Hang on, we need to check Google Maps... yep, that's right! Pretty good guess, wasn't it?
Republican voters in Guam say that Romney understands what they're going through better than any of the other candidates, largely due to the fact that he owns a slew of vacation homes on the islands. However, many political analysts are predicting that the islands will strongly favor President Obama in the general election, because unlike any of the GOP candidates, President Obama has actually been to Guam and the Norther Marianas.
“Mitt Romney owns a few vacation homes down here. One of them is the biggest residence on the island of Guam,” said Manuel Taikanu, 37. “Locals refer to it as `the empty palace,' because Romney bought the home in the nineties and has since never visited it. But he at least owns property down here, and hires a full staff to maintain it even though he hasn't been here, so that got him votes.
As for the other candidates, Taikanu was rather skeptical. “Newt Gingrich seems like the kind of guy who would take his mistresses to Guam in the hopes of never being discovered. Ron Paul comes across as someone who'd build some freaky compound here in the jungle for his worshipers. And Rick Santorum? It's really, really hot here. He'd sweat to death in those sweater vests as soon as he stepped off the plane! Oh, and by the way, my name means `to have nothing to eat' in Chamorro. That was Matt Rock trying to be clever.” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|