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Ron Paul embraces Italian town's law making death illegal
3/14/2012 8:05 Matt Rock
GOP primary contestant Ron Paul has come out in favor of a law adopted by a small town in Italy that bans death, making it a crime to pass away. Paul claims that if he's somehow elected President, a feat which literally no one thinks is possible outside of his cult, he would make it illegal for any American citizen to die, ever.
The hapless candidate was referencing the tiny town of Falciano del Massico, where Mayor Giulio Cesare Fava comically made dying a crime due to his town not having a cemetery, which has stirred a logistical issue and a dispute with a neighboring village that does have one.
Paul announced his new campaign initiative earlier today while speaking with supporters in Florida, prior to a scheduled visit to Puerto Rico. “If I make it illegal for anyone to ever die, we'll all live forever! I was once eating pies with a rabbit I met on Chat Roulette who told me outlawing death was a really great idea, tee-hee-hee! The bunny was eaten by a dragon named Carl, he was a real big meanie, but at least he didn't get our pies!”
“They made it illegal to die in a town in Italy. Did you know Italy is shaped like a boot, and Australia is shaped like a dog's head, and I once owned a pair of boots made out of dog heads that I bought in Texas, which is shaped like Texas? And speaking of ponies, I want to go ride on one! Yay!”
One reporter asked Paul if his new stance on making death illegal might be construed as hypocritical when considering his stances on individual liberty and civil freedoms. “It's not hypocritical at all! It might be hippopotamus though. I've never met a hippo I could trust. Well, except for that one time. He ate food right out of my hand, but I made him work for it by having him feed me back! Let's all go to a petting zoo gang! Yippee!” - Return to Previous Page
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