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GOP voters outraged that Puerto Rico is getting a primary this weekend
3/16/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock -
A new poll has found that 99.7% of likely Republican voters are angry that Puerto Rico, an unincorporated territory of the United States, will be holding a primary this Sunday, with delegates that will count toward the GOP's nominating process. Most respondents seemed to think that Puerto Ricans were actually Mexican socialist terrorists that were plotting on kidnapping the Constitution, stealing their jobs, and forcing everyone in the United States to learn Spanish.
“Them thar Mexicans get to vote? What a bunch of bull-hooey!” announced one angry southern respondent. “They'll take our jobs, then they'll take our Constitution, then they'll come for our children! We're facing all this muckity-muck, and they're about to kick Rush Limbaugh out of the radio box? Obama is destroying America! I ain't never heard of no Puerto Rico, but I sure know it ain't one of the fifty-three States!”
Another respondent threatened to shoot us if we took his guns away, which had absolutely nothing to do with the poll. “It's my constitutional duty to own as many firearms as I can get my hands on. It isn't a right, it's a duty! You ain't taking my guns away from me, you sissy-boy east coast liberal elitist! Back the hell off!”
However, one respondent did show a bit of promise, after she was presented with some facts. “Puerto Rico means `Rich Port' in Spanish? Aww heck, why didn't you say so? I love the word `rich,' I'm gonna be that someday! Como... es... uh... uno... taco? Come eat a taco with me! What? They don't eat a lot of tacos in Puerto Rico? What kinda Mexican don't eat tacos? What?! They' ain't Mexican?! What kinda crazy foreigners... oh, they're a territory of the United States? Well then... I guess... uh... applesauce!” - Return to Previous Page
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