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Congress proposing bill that would outlaw women from thinking, speaking, breathing
3/20/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock
A new bill is making its rounds in Congress that will take the contemporary culture war on women's issues to a whole new level. Titled “The Women Is Dumb Act of 2012,” the potential legislation is picking up steam in GOP circles, with Rick Santorum offering his full support behind it, along with a vow that if he's elected President, he will enact the bill into law in 2013 if President Obama and Senate Democrats block it.
The bill proposes that women would no longer be allowed to think, speak, eat, drink, breath, or vote without the approval of a man, “albeit a hetero-sexual spouse, or an obsessive control-freak boyfriend, or an overbearing father, or a son that won't shut up in a toy store, irritating everyone else with their constant whining.” Women that think freely would be imprisoned for life, while women that consider abortions or ask a guy to strap on a condom would be put to death, most likely with a public stoning after the word “whore” has been bloodily carved into their forehead.
“Finally, someone has had the courage to put a bill out there that really says what Republicans mean with their social agenda,” said Santorum, who once got an erection in high school and poured scalding water from a tea kettle on his genitals to make sure it never happened again. “Women have entirely too many rights in this country. Didn't they read the bible? They're supposed to love one man, and only ever sleep with one man, and never, ever, ever contemplate having fun in the bedroom, unless they're playing `Monopoly: Jesus Edition' in it. And not with that sacrilegious `Free Parking lottery' rule. That's only for gays and Jews and women that have abortions for fun!” - Return to Previous Page
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