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Obama bets big on unicorn fart power
3/27/2012 7:05 AM Floyd Harden
As part of his energy tour touting his administration’s efforts to encourage alternative energy development, President Obama made a stop in Idaho today, where he announced that he is backing an $870 billion dollar federal loan guarantee to Farticorn, the Boise based company that plans to use magical unicorn farts to produce energy. The risky venture is indicative of the lengths to which the President will go to explore new energy options at a time when record-high gas prices threaten to derail his re-election bid.
Farticorn hopes to use the $870 billion to launch a proof-of-concept pilot project that will harness the energy produced by just one magical unicorn to power the entire west coast of the United States - with the exception of San Francisco, where butterfly wing power and the power of positive thinking are already supplying 70 percent of the city’s energy needs.
In announcing the loan guarantee, President Obama did his best to put a positive spin on the risky nature of the unicorn fart energy concept. “I know a lot of folks will say I’m crazy for believing in unicorns, but look at it this way, the Republicans are about to nominate Mitt Romney. Mitt freakin’ Romney! Talk about a mythical creature, this guy’s running as a conservative! If the man who practically invented Obamacare can call himself a conservative, unicorns could totally exist.”
Farticorn’s founder and CEO, Percy Stack, praised the Obama administration’s bold move. “The President isn’t afraid to push the frontiers of science and, for that matter, mythology. Until today, naysayers and negative Nellys said that Farticorn would never get off the ground - that just finding a unicorn would prove to be an impossible task. Well, thanks to the courage the President has demonstrated today, we now have nearly a trillion dollars to help us in our search for a non-existent creature that, if it exists, will forever revolutionize the way America meets its energy needs. Yep, we’re going to use this money to hire us some gnomes. Legend has it that gnomes can smell a unicorn a thousand miles away so we’re pretty confident that, as soon as we find some gnomes, we’ll be well on our way to our goal of tracking down a unicorn. Of course, if we don’t find any gnomes, we’re screwed, but we’ll still have all this cash so, win-win!” - Return to Previous Page
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