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Supreme Court Justices devolve into bickering, immaturity as they debate health care reform
3/27/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock -
The US Supreme Court has been weighing today the constitutionality of the controversial health care mandate in the landmark Health Care Reform bill signed into law in 2010. And according to insiders, the debate has been just as heated in the Supreme Court building as it has been in the streets of America. Well, whenever the Tea Party has “debated” it, anyway.
“Justice Scalia spent the whole day so far misspelling `euthanasia' as `youth in Asia,' and complaining about China selling all of our health care to us,” said one witness. “Justice Alito drew a Hitler mustache on a picture of the President, and Justice Thomas has led the other conservatives in literally `screaming' at the more liberal Justices every time they've tried to talk.”
According to our witness, the Democratic appointees have been trying to fire back, though. “At one point, [Ruth Bader] Ginsburg jumped up on her table, dropped her robes, and used all of the sudden attention she'd gotten to actually talk about the real issues. But Chief Justice Roberts just started laughing, and Thomas started looking over at the Coke machine in a way that made everyone feel really, really uncomfortable.”
“I really can't believe we're leaving this up to a group of people that haven't needed to pay for health care in decades,” said President Obama, who spoke with us over the phone, or something. “If they go one way, the whole thing gets thrown out, and Americans are back to square one with crappy health care. I swear, if this gets thrown out, I'm going full-socialist up in here! Free health care and pancakes for everyone!” - Return to Previous Page
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