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Republicans Use New Reality TV Show to Nominate Candidate
7/8/2011 8:42 PM Coyle
In a move designed to create excitement for a field of candidates that many people find uninspiring, the Republican National Committee announced yesterday that they will be starting a new reality television show to determine their next candidate for President of the United States.
Although the RNC remained silent on many details of the new show, insiders indicated that the program is tentatively named “The Amazing Republican Presidential Race.” It will follow the various contestants around the country as they perform different tasks in order to curry favor with the voters in primary states.
“After the first debate in South Carolina, we knew that we needed to spice things up a bit,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. “Over 3 million people watched it, which was nice. But that's nothing compared to the 29 million people who watched the 'American Idol' finale.”
Several episodes have already been taped and shown to test groups in order to determine its viability as a successful television show. Most of these people have given it positive reviews, pointing out that it was one of the funniest group of contestants they had ever seen.
“This is the best cast of characters I've seen on a reality show since 'Jersey Shore',” said one such reviewer. “And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind seeing Michelle and Tim hook up; there's definitely some chemistry there.”
The first leg of the race sent candidates to New Hampshire in order to compete in a debate at St. Anselm College in Manchester. The candidates were all given plane tickets to arrive at this first pit stop in a timely manner. Regardless, some of them still found it very difficult to get there in time.
Having reached a detour, Sarah Palin cashed in her ticket and bought a bus instead. However, she still never made it to the debate. Since she is not an official candidate, she was not thrown out of the competition. Regardless, the producers still felt that she should receive a penalty due to her lack of participation. Therefore, she must complete a first-grade U.S. history course as a precondition to joining the show.
Rick Santorum finished the first leg, even though no one knows who invited him. However, viewers were most surprised about the travels of Newt Gingrich, who somehow ended up in Greece for two weeks and was the last candidate to reach New Hampshire. As a penalty for being the last person to the pit stop, he was compelled to fire his entire campaign staff.
With the debate over, the next leg of the race will send the candidates to Iowa. However, complications have already arisen due to the fact that Mitt Romney, the most popular contestant on the show so far, refuses to go there. At this point, producers aren't quite sure how to handle the situation, but they did sympathize with the presumptive front-runner. One of the producers, speaking off the record, expressed the sentiments of the others when he stated, “Why the hell would anyone want to go to Iowa?” - Return to Previous Page
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