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Hundreds of apes filing class action suit against GOP, fed up with evolution debate
4/7/2012 10:01 AM Matt Rock -
418 chimps, guerillas, and other apes, from zoos and the homes of celebrities all throughout the United States, are planning to file a class action lawsuit against the GOP on Monday, citing slander, derogation, racism, and other defamatory acts that have insulted all of apekind. Subpoenas are expected to be spreading through Washington DC in the near future.
The final straw that broke the monkey's back is the language involved in Tennessee's SB 893 – known as the “Monkey Bill” – which allows students to openly criticize evolution, as well as other “controversial” sciences like climate change, stem cell research, and the Earth being anything more than 6,000 years old. Governor Bill Haslam (R-TN) is expected to mostly likely sign the bill soon.
“We're fed up with these insults from humans! King Kong didn't land on New York, New York landed on him!” announced the surprisingly articulate, often enigmatic, English-speaking chimp named Percy, who is leading the civil rights movement for apes. “I saw the movie `Rise of the Planet of the Apes,' and it was a wake-up call, my brothers and sisters! And it probably didn't help that I saw `V for Vendetta' immediately afterwards! We're going to sue these hairless humans into the ground!”
The lawsuit alleges that the Republican party has, for many decades now, used the term “monkey” in a derogatory way, depicting apes as less-intelligent and otherwise inferior to humans. And after they sue the Republicans, they plan on suing the Democrats for not defending them, too. “Politicians have some nerve insulting our kind,” said Percy. “They think we're stupid because we throw our poop at each other. Meanwhile, humans watch the Kardashians in reality TV shows. I rest my case!” - Return to Previous Page
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