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New group of women voters pledges support to Romney, ask that he announce a safe word
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4/16/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - A new national political action group comprised entirely of female voters has pledged their support to presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney, despite the fact that President Obama holds a landslide leading margin over Romney with women voters overall. The group, which claims to have more than 49,000 registered voters ranging in age between 18 and 93, announced their support earlier today. They did, however, make one request of the candidate, in exchange for their support.

“We ask that Mr. Romney give us a safe word. It's standard practice in our field,” said a press release from the group, which calls itself “Sado-Americhist,” based out of Cincinnati, Ohio. “Our group of dedicated S&M fans need some assurance that Mr. Romney will back off when things get too hot and heavy for us. But otherwise, he really is the perfect candidate for women like us.”

The group, which uses the acronym “SAM” and has a mascot named “Gimpy” in a leather mask, wearing a belt that PTP can't really describe because we're trying to keep this article as clean as possible, claims that Mitt Romney's domineering view of women appeals strongly to members of their group. They say they first supported Herman Cain, then Newt Gingrich, and then Rick Santorum, settling for Mitt Romney the way the vast majority of conservative voters have also settled.

“I've been into `S&M' since, oh, about sophomore year of college, I think,” said Amanda T. Walter, 29, who runs the SAM organization. “I like being completely and utterly dominated by a guy, and embarrassed by him, and made to cry by him, as long as there's a safe-word involved. Mitt Romney's views on women's rights make him an ideal candidate for us, unlike Obama, who'd just cave to our whims in an effort to appeal to all thirty-seven people in the room. He might work for `regular' women, but he simply doesn't offer anything to women that own paddles and whips and know how to use them.”

Walter says that their support isn't really political. “It's all about personality and demeanor for us. Romney insults women every time he opens his mouth. To most women, that's about as unappealing as a candidate can get. But to us, it's sexy as hell. He isn't the most attractive guy in the race, that's for sure. But hey, we do have masks for that. If the attitude is right, we can work with the rest!”
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