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Ted Nugent swears he isn't violent, guts a half-dead rabbit while discussing Gandhi
4/19/2012 9:30 AM Matt Rock -
Ultra-conservative musician Ted Nugent defended himself again today against allegations that his comments during an NRA convention this weekend were threatening to President Obama. It was recently revealed that the Secret Service was investigating the one-hit-wonder, who gave an interview during an NRA convention this weekend where he claimed that he'd be either “dead or in jail” within a year if President Obama won reelection, and insinuated that people should chop off the heads of Democrats.
“I said it yesterday to Mike Huckabee on his radio show, and I'll say it again to you east-coast PTP folks. I ain't a violent guy,” said Nugent, who flew us out to his ranch for the interview, and shot a bunny rabbit with a crossbow before continuing. “It ain't good for my reputation to admit this, but I actually believe in the teachings of Gandhi. Pacifism is the way to go, brother!”
Nugent picked up the rabbit, who was kicking about and making sounds that'll give me and my two interns nightmares for weeks, ripping the arrow out of his little, dying body and holding the arrow hole up to his face, so he could suck some of the blood out. “Man, ain't nothin' as tasty as fresh rabbit blood. Fuck coffee, this stuff gets the heart pumpin'!”
Nugent then started skinning the animal, apparently unaware that it was still alive, and in agonizing pain. “I don't believe violence is ever the answer to anything. Yes, I did tell Obama to `suck on my machine gun' once, and on a few other instances I did say some pretty outrageous, violent stuff about him, but I was making... uh...” Nugent paused to cram his bloodied hand into his pocket, pulling out a small pink post-it note. “`I was making a metaphoric, critical observation of the hyperbole and radicalism that has swept through contemporary politics.' Yeah, that's what I was doing!”
As the bunny's life sputtered to a halt, Nugent crammed a skewer into his backside, ramming it out of his mouth on the other end, and then stuck his corpse over a campfire. “I've never killed nobody, and I ain't never killed nothin', period. I disagree with the President on stuff, sure. But it's inflammatory and libelous to claim that what I said was a threat against the President. I'm not a killer. I don't think any life is worth more or less than my own life. Rabbit leg?” - Return to Previous Page
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