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Internal GOP memos leaked, reveal anti-Obama efforts based on his left-handedness
4/21/2012 3:11 PM Matt Rock
PTP has just obtained several confidential memos that prove, beyond any reason of doubt, that a number of key players in the contemporary conservative movement have been orchestrating an elaborate plot to destroy President Obama's credibility with voters and develop a national movement with the goal of uprooting him from office. But contrary to popular theories, it isn't because he's a democrat, or liberal, or even black. Their true motive revolves around President Obama being a lefty... left-handed.
“You guys know who this Senator Obama is?” asked an unsigned memo dated October 23rd, 2006. “It's looking like he might try to run for president. He'll probably announce in January or February. We need to keep an eye on this guy. The last thing we need after the Bush administration is a left-handed president. We aren't too worried, I mean, he's a black dude and his middle name is `Hussein.' But I'll be damned if a left-handed President takes office again. It'd be George H.W. Or Bill Clinton all over again, signing things on TV with their left hand turned all awkwardly... no damn way this stupid southpaw is getting elected!”
Several of the memos were sent to Hillary Clinton, even though she isn't a Republican. One of the earliest memos sent to her campaign elaborated on why. “It has become obvious to those of us on the right that believe left-handedness is sinful that you have become the only candidate worth a damn to us in this race. Obama and McCain are both left-handed, just like that bastard you call a husband. So, while we might disagree politically, we are going to make it difficult on Obama and McCain to defeat you. We'll stir up a nonsensical issue about Obama's birth certificate, and we'll stick John McCain with a total fucking moron named Sarah Palin. You can't lose this! Whatever you do, don't get caught crying on the campaign trail... do that and you're good to go!”
When the plot to keep Obama out of the Oval Office failed, the secret GOP organization moved to minimize and shorten his presidency. The right-handed organization founded the Tea Party, coerced banks into avoiding small business loans in an effort to stall job growth and stint the economy overall, and worked tirelessly to make sure Obama picked Joe Biden as his running mate. Even so, Obama killed Bin Laden, saved the American auto industry, and passed comprehensive health care reform, all in his first term.
“This is how these damned lefties operate,” said another memo, this one circulating almost entirely throughout the GOP leadership, and being sent to a few key conservative pundits otherwise. “They swoop in, with their creativity and that weird way they hold their pens, and they start fixing things! He must be stopped in 2012! We found a great right-handed candidate in Mitt Romney. Let's just hope he doesn't make any public speaking gaffes that illustrate how wealthy and out of touch he is!” - Return to Previous Page
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