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Victoria’s Secret reveals Victoria’s Secret Service Bra
4/22/2012 3:08 PM Floyd Harden
Victoria’s Secret has introduced a new bra inspired by the Secret Service agents who retained the not-so-secret services of hookers while making security arrangements for President Obama’s trip to Columbia. The new “Victoria’s Secret Service Bra” is designed to neutralize anyone who poses a threat to the President of the United States.
The bra was unveiled during a Victoria’s Secret fashion show at the company’s headquarters in New York City. Models wearing nothing but panties, dark glasses, earpieces and the new bra paraded down a catwalk before a crowd of fashion industry executives and drooling, mentos-sucking teen-age boys pretending to be fashion industry executives. The bra, which features twin .50 caliber machine guns that pop out the moment anyone says or does anything vaguely resembling a threat to the President, proved its effectiveness when it wounded Ted Nugent, who came to the show looking for action after he learned Mitt Romney doesn’t pay his security chief in hookers.
Immediately after the fashion show, Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan announced he will require all the agents under him who haven’t yet resigned to wear the bra while on duty. In making the announcement, Sullivan acknowledged that for Secret Service agents - most of whom are men - wearing a bra may be a little awkward. “Only a couple of our guys, the ones who used to be FBI, are going to enjoy wearing women’s underwear, but we see this as an effective tool for protecting the President. This new bra allows us to kill two birds with one stone. Or maybe it kills two birds with two stones. I’m not really sure. Anyway, it shoots bad guys and it makes it harder for our people to misbehave. I mean if I were a hooker, which I’m not, I wouldn’t dream of jumping into bed with a man who wears one of these bad boys. And believe me I have a lot of really wild dreams. Just last night I dreamt I was Ted Nugent! What does that tell you? Seriously, what the hell does that tell you because it is way freaking me out!” - Return to Previous Page
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