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Obama administration to put on “Next Top Secret Service Agent” reality show, contest
4/25/2012 9:30 AM Matt Rock
In the wake of a prostitution scandal involving eleven Secret Service agents, the Obama administration announced today that they'll be pushing for drastic new screening measures from Homeland Security, insisting that similar scandals “never happened” when the Secret Service was under the US Treasury Department. In an effort to play to government transparency, in-depth vetting procedures, and quality assurance, the White House wants future agents to go through a reality television contest.
“The premise of this show would be simple,” said White House Senior Advisor David Plouffe, during an interview he gave to PTP earlier today. “We'll start out with hundreds of potential new Secret Service agents, each of whom will show off their pistol marksmanship, audience-scanning skills, and singing voice. Each week, President Obama will be joined by two washed-up stars from the 80's and 90's, and they'll critique each potential new agent, thinning the herd until only 32 remain.”
According to Plouffe, that's where the real challenge will begin. “Each week, President Obama will give a rose to the Secret Service agent he wants to keep; they'll be safe from elimination. Then, the President and his costars will watch the contestants carry out a new challenge each week, and they'll pick the person that does the worst, and kick them out. When we get down to the final four, viewers will get to call in and vote, with the person getting the least votes being eliminated each week, until we get a winner.”
That winner will receive a $1 million cash prize, a trip to a country with real universal health care, and a job in the President's Secret Service detail. The White House insists that this is the best way to move forward with future hires in the US Secret Service, and that the people will love watching their favorite contestants stand guard while the President delivers speeches and works rope lines. They also claim that major TV networks are expressing interest in the potential new show.
“We already have several TV networks chomping at the bit to get involved with this,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “Bravo!, Fox, NBC, History Channel, MTV, Nickelodeon... lots of television executives think this is a great idea, and we believe the American people will get behind this vision of ours as well. And besides, it'll give that guy that played Carlton Banks on `Fresh Prince' something to do with his time!” - Return to Previous Page
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