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Mystery fart puts sour note on Correspondents Dinner pre-show brunch
4/28/2012 4:07 PM Matt Rock
A late-morning brunch hosted by media mogul Tammy Haddad ended abruptly earlier today, when a mysterious aroma drove away many of the guests, including famous Hollywood stars, politicians, and journalists. No one wanted to admit having smelt the pungent odor, most likely in fear of being labeled as the one that dealt it, but the smell lingered long enough that many guests simply had to leave the brunch event entirely.
“I've smelt some pretty gnarly funks in my day, especially when I was at SNL,” said “30 Rock” star, SNL alum, and famed Sarah Palin impersonator Tina Fey. “When I first smelled it, I thought for sure that Tim Meadows was around, but then I remembered he's performing this weekend at the Arlington Cinema N Drafthouse, wink-wink. The cutter of the cheese remains a mystery.”
The odor was described by nasal witnesses as that of a hearty, beefy fart, rich and vibrant, with oak-like textures and flavors of broccoli, asparagus, and beans, but with a solid undertone of baby's diaper. But a run-through of the guests in attendance provides very few leads; almost none of those invited to the event could have produced such a blast. However, some are speculating that it may have been a member of the news media.
Flatulence expert Dr. Michael J. Levitt, who is an actual person that we aren't making up for once, explains. “Hollywood stars let out short, dry, passionless farts that rarely, if ever, take a turn toward funky town. Politicians lose flavor in their farts the longer they serve in Washington, probably because they sit around doing nothing of value all day. Lobbyists, meanwhile, can produce some real nail-biters, but they have a hard time actually smelling farts, since they spend so much time brown-nosing. That really leaves journalists. Whoever the culprit is, they must work in the news media.”
But even still, the mystery farter remains at large. “Anderson Cooper would have blown his tiny black t-shirt clean off if it were him,” said White House Correspondents Dinner and former “Man Show” host Jimmy Kimmel. “Rachel Maddow seems way too humble and down-to-Earth to have not come right out and said it. No one from Fox was invited, because that whole `socialism' routine gets pretty old. So that leaves CNN's Soledad O'Brien, or MSNBC's Ed Schultz. Start placing your bets, folks!” - Return to Previous Page
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