Pardon The Pundit News Feed
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Obama haunted by Nixon’s ghost
10/31/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Pardon the Pundit has received a tip from an anonymous former First Lady who has set up a secret tape recording system inside the Oval Office, “in case somebody does something stupid requiring the Secretary of State to step in and save the country.” The source has ... Read More & Comments
Lindsay Lohan to take over as Cain’s new campaign manager
10/30/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Herman Cain has hired a new campaign manager. Minutes after demoting his longtime friend and confidant Mark Block for smoking a cigarette during a TV ad, Cain announced that his campaign will undergo a major shake-up, to be coordinated by actress and professional ... Read More & Comments
Wall Street Bankers Occupy San Francisco
10/30/2011 8:50 AM Coyle -
Bankers from across Wall Street stormed out of their jobs yesterday before flying in private jets across the country to San Francisco, where they declared that they were protesting the anti-corporate agenda of liberal America.
The bankers, who represent ever... Read More & Comments
NYC Mayor Bloomberg sees a cigarette, moves to shutdown Occupy Wall Street
10/29/2011 3:20 PM Matt Rock -
The office of New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg released a press statement today, ordering that the Occupiers in New York's Zuccotti park must vacate the premises within the next 24-hours, or they will be met with brute force from the NYPD, FDNY, and alternative r... Read More & Comments
Herman Cain's hotel rider surfaces, details bizarre requests
10/28/2011 8:15 PM Matt Rock -
Shortly after revelations surfaced regarding GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain's bewildering campaign behavior, disgruntled former campaign staffers have revealed the former pizza magnate's hotel rider. The document details Cain's expectations of hotel rooms, s... Read More & Comments
Romney possessed by a demon
10/28/2011 9:39 AM Floyd Harden -
Mitt Romney today provided the best explanation yet for his penchant for flip-flopping when he revealed that he has been possessed by a demon. Romney’s surprise announcement came just after the candidate told a crowd of supporters “I stand with the Occupy Wall Str... Read More & Comments
Oakland Police invite Occupiers for ice cream, fire into crowd again
10/27/2011 7:59 PM Matt Rock -
Oakland California's acting Police Chief Howard Jordan sparked another round of controversy earlier today when he personally invited all of the one thousand Occupy Oakland demonstrators out for ice cream, only to lure them into what many are now saying was a blatan... Read More & Comments
McRib returns, #Occupy protests end
10/27/2011 9:29 AM Alyson Durden -
The McDonalds fast-food chain has managed to do what political pundits and experts have failed to do. They have been able to get the #Occupy protests to admit their main goal; bring back the McRib sandwich. The popular rib-shaped pork sandwich returned to stores th... Read More & Comments
Study finds Romney separated by twelve “degrees” from most Americans
10/26/2011 3:11 PM Matt Rock -
Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have unveiled the results of a shocking new study that shows conclusively that while there are an average of six to seven degrees of separation between most people, there are actually twelve or more degrees o... Read More & Comments
Gadhafi autopsy reveals gunshot wounds, botox overdose
10/25/2011 8:39 PM Matt Rock -
Libyan dictator Muammar Gadhafi, killed in his hometown of Sirte earlier as rebels stormed the country during the Arab spring, was buried in a secret, private ceremony recently. Many believed the 69-year old “brotherly leader and guide” was executed by revel force... Read More & Comments
Congress votes to eliminate Monday and Thursday
10/25/2011 8:44 AM Floyd Harden -
In a rare show of bi-partisanship, both houses of Congress today passed a bill that will tackle the national debt by eliminating Monday and Thursday, resulting in a new, five day work week. Speaking at a joint press conference on the steps of the Capitol building,... Read More & Comments
Ron Paul has “accident” during campaign stop
10/24/2011 3:14 PM Matt Rock -
GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul (R-TX) had an embarrassing on-stage “accident” this afternoon during a speech in Des Moines, Iowa, after which he continued his speech, seemingly unhindered by the bodily mishap.
“We need to close overseas bases!” the 76-y... Read More & Comments
Pardon The Pundit political comedy contest is going great!
10/23/2011 8:29 PM Staff -
Congratulations to the following comedians who have moved forward in the Pardon The Pundit Political Comedy Contest at the Arlington Drafthouse. Semi-Finals are Wednesday and Thursday of this week! The shows have been great and are getting better.
Winning C... Read More & Comments
GOP candidates infected by brain parasite
10/23/2011 2:59 PM Floyd Harden -
A startling new development has shaken up the race for the Republican Presidential nomination. With one exception, all of the candidates appear to have been infected by a parasite that attaches itself to the regions of the brain associated with honesty, compassion... Read More & Comments
Entire Bachmann NH campaign staff quits after candidate stunt
10/22/2011 8:02 PM Matt Rock -
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's Presidential aspirations suffered another major drawback today, as her entire New Hampshire campaign staff has abandoned ship, leaving the candidate struggling in the key state as her chances to win the 2012 election dwind... Read More & Comments
President Obama announces full withdrawal from Iraq two days in a row
10/22/2011 8:40 AM Matt Rock -
In a White house press conference held yesterday, President Obama announced to America and the world that the United States would withdraw every single soldier from Iraq by Christmas of this year. Seemingly convinced that once is never enough, the President held a... Read More & Comments
World set to end any minute now as rapture takes place
10/21/2011 3:15 PM Matt Rock -
Harold Camping, the radical Christian who predicted the world was going to end back in May of this year, had named today – Friday, October 21st 2011 – to be the true date of the biblical apocalypse, with the rapture, an event where true Christians are carted off in... Read More & Comments
Qaddafi’s death results in tragic massacre
10/20/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Tragedy struck today when jubilant rebel forces rejoiced the demise of Muammar Qaddafi and, in a traditional Libyan celebration, fired their guns in the air before turning them on each other.
It all started when Qaddafi’s death sparked a joyous celebration a... Read More & Comments
U.S. Treasury to print $100 billion “Obama bucks”
10/20/2011 9:40 AM Floyd Harden -
President Obama has announced plans to implement an innovative new strategy for raising unlimited amounts of campaign cash for himself and fellow Democrats running for office. The President will order the Treasury to print up “Obama bucks,” legal tender bearing th... Read More & Comments
Rand Paul candidacy announcement foiled by toupee
10/19/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
Senator Rand Paul took to a podium in New Hampshire hours ago, seemingly prepared to run for President in 2012 and enter the race shortly ahead of the October 31st GOP primary filing deadline, despite his own father, Ron Paul, already running for the same job. How... Read More & Comments
Republicans drink goat urine!
10/18/2011 8:20 PM Floyd Harden -
President Obama, speaking at a fundraiser in California last night, declared “Republicans drink goat urine!” The President then admitted, “I have no proof that Republicans drink goat urine and, if you ask me, this vicious rumor going around about Republicans drink... Read More & Comments
PTP reporters unfairly required to know facts from fiction
10/18/2011 9:30 AM Floyd Harden -
Pardon the Pundit reporters today learned that, effective immediately, they will be required to have a working knowledge of the “truth” when lying about politicians in articles they submit for this publication. This new, hard line journalistic standard comes from t... Read More & Comments
Gingrich reaches out to hot Asian hookers
10/17/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Republicans’ efforts to bridge the gap between their party and minority voters (who overwhelmingly support Democrats) suffered a major setback yesterday after Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich told a gathering of the Black Congressional Caucus, “Afric... Read More & Comments
Chinese foreclosing on U.S. debt
10/16/2011 8:35 PM Floyd Harden -
In the wake of Standard and Poors’ downgrade of U.S. credit, the Chinese, owners of the lion’s share of America’s debt, have initiated foreclosure proceedings and taken possession of collateral put up decades ago by President Richard Nixon. Among the properties to ... Read More & Comments
Goldman Sachs to re-occupy Wall Street
10/16/2011 9:20 AM Floyd Harden -
Financial giant Goldman Sachs revealed today that it is organizing its own political movement to counter the “Occupy Wall Street” protests that began in New York City and have since spread throughout the nation and the world.
According to James L. Prutcher... Read More & Comments
Huntsman speaks Chinese –hopes for nomination dashed
10/15/2011 5:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Jon Huntsman saw his chances for winning the Republican presidential nomination evaporate today when he inadvertently revealed that he speaks fluent Chinese.
Huntsman, the former Governor of Utah who served nearly two years as President Obama’s Ambassador ... Read More & Comments
Anthony Weiner gets involved with “Occupy”
10/14/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock -
Former New York Representative Anthony Weiner, who resigned from his office In June of this year in the midst of a sexting scandal, has made his first genuine resurfacing effort since being driven from the spotlight, showing up at Zuccotti Park in New York City to ... Read More & Comments
New poll finds “Occupy” protesters are sexier than Tea Partiers
10/14/2011 10:14 AM Matt Rock -
A new Gallup/ Rasmussen/ USA Today/ GQ poll reveals that a majority of Americans feel the demonstrators involved in the “Occupy Wall Street” protests are considerably more attractive than the Town hall- storming Tea Partiers.
84% of respondents claim they'... Read More & Comments
Cain tries to hire Tyler Perry to help him connect with black voters
10/13/2011 3:00 PM Staff -
GOP Presidential candidate Herman Cain has been struggling to capture the support of black voters since announcing his run in January of this year, but some campaign insiders are certain this will change soon. According to numerous sources, the Godfather's Pizza C... Read More & Comments
Bank of America to offer new “Occupy My Wallet” credit card
10/12/2011 8:10 PM Matt Rock -
Bank of America announced tonight that this Monday, they'll release a new credit card “in honor” of the Occupy Wall Street (or “OWS”) movement, claiming the new financial product is “designed to show solidarity with their cause.” Some predict the financial giant m... Read More & Comments
Godfather’s Pizza gives Herman Cain heartburn
10/12/2011 9:40 AM Floyd Harden -
In a show of support for the former boss - presidential candidate Herman Cain - Godfather’s Pizza placed full page ads in newspapers across the country last weekend touting “Muslim Free Pizza.” Unfortunately, millions of Muslims understood the ad to mean that Godf... Read More & Comments
Christie endorses Romney, gets cheeseburger grease on press pool microphones
10/11/2011 3:08 PM Matt Rock -
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced moments ago his endorsement of Mitt Romney for the GOP candidacy in the 2012 election. At least, that's what journalists at the press conference are guessing, since the Governor's speech was obscured by the large amount... Read More & Comments
Columbus Day “Occupy the Atlantic Ocean” event ends in tragedy, syphilis
10/10/2011 8:35 PM Matt Rock -
Demonstrators involved with the “Occupy” movement took to the high seas earlier today to bring attention to their cause, protesting against Wall Street onboard three privately-owned vessels, which organizers claimed were “the modern day versions of the Nina, the Pi... Read More & Comments
PTP analysts predict Christie run in 2012
10/10/2011 10:05 AM Matt Rock -
PTP's team of political analysts and Washington experts have concluded this afternoon that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will, in fact, run for President in 2012, despite Christie's repeated efforts to claim otherwise.
“We're quite confident that Christ... Read More & Comments
Nazi group outraged by Obama/ Hitler references
10/9/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
The American Nazi Party, a Neo-Nazi organization headquartered in Virginia, has filed lawsuits against Fox News, Glenn Beck, and the Tea Party for “comparing President Obama with our Fuehrer, Adolf Hitler.” The group claims to have “had enough of the comparisons,”... Read More & Comments
Bachmann writes wrong date on check, puts “September 22,1811”
10/8/2011 8:00 PM Alyson Durden -
Congresswoman Bachmann’s campaign was rocked today by a new scandal when reporters were given access to a check she wrote to her cable company on which she had written the wrong date, and was off by two hundred years. Critics were quick to pounce.
“We’ve oft... Read More & Comments
Perry defends Texas’ “no last meal” policy
10/8/2011 9:53 AM Floyd Harden -
Texas Governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry mounted a spirited defense today of the new Texas policy prohibiting last meal requests from inmates facing execution. Perry told reporters gathered in front of the Huntsville State Penitentiary that prisoners c... Read More & Comments
Congress makes big push toward a greener Fed with “Hot Air” program
10/7/2011 3:05 PM Matt Rock -
Speaker of the House John Boehner announced moments ago that a new surprisingly bi-partisan green energy bill narrowly passed a house vote earlier today. Titled “The Hot Air Energy Act of 2011,” the bill promises to harness the most powerful untapped energy source... Read More & Comments
“Fact-free” statements become the new political reality
10/6/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
With one statement, Herman Cain has brought about a shift in the kind of criticism Republicans running for President can level at a Democratic incumbent. Cain, speaking to a reporter from the Wall Street Journal about the "Occupy Wall Street" protests, said, “I do... Read More & Comments
Michelle Obama declares effort to set world record for most world records
10/6/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock -
First Lady Michelle Obama announced this morning that after she breaks the world record for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24-hour period next week, she'll be setting her sights on a bigger, more challenging, and some dare say much loftier goal: most wor... Read More & Comments
Breakthrough in study of Mayan language reveals Bachmann/ Palin win in 2012
10/5/2011 2:45 PM Matt Rock -
Researchers at the University of Cambridge, working together with the Maya Research Program, MIT, and a slew of other organizations, have reportedly “cracked the Mayan code,” solving the mysteries of the ancient language that has baffled scholars for ages. Using a... Read More & Comments
Perry between a rock and a h-rd p---e
10/4/2011 8:15 PM Floyd Harden -
Texas Governor Rick Perry found himself on the defensive today as more details emerged about his hunting ranch, the entrance to which once featured a rock with the name “n-----head” painted on its surface. After claiming to have been instrumental in getting the na... Read More & Comments
President awards Congressional Medal of Awesomeness to drone operator
10/4/2011 9:40 AM Floyd Harden -
At a special White House ceremony this morning, President Obama awarded the first ever Modern Drone Warfare Congressional Medal of Awesomeness to the CIA drone operator who last Friday killed three key al Qaeda figures in Yemen. The President draped the medal aroun... Read More & Comments
Wall Street Executive almost notices “Occupy Wall Street” protests
10/3/2011 3:30 PM Matt Rock -
As the now-infamous Wall Street protests, dubbed “Occupy Wall Street,” enter their third week of demonstrations, witnesses report that an executive nearly took notice of the large gatherings near her place of employment. Emotions ran high as the woman turned brief... Read More & Comments
Perry reaches out to offended black community with cover band performances
10/2/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock -
Texas Governor and GOP Presidential candidate Rick Perry announced earlier this evening that he plans to launch a music group, called “Rick Perry and the Seceders,” in an effort to make amends with those who were offended to learn that Perry's family once leased a ... Read More & Comments
The ghost of Mr. Smith spotted in Washington, DC and he is pissed
10/2/2011 9:50 AM Alyson Durden -
With the threat of a government shutdown looming for the 12th time this year, the ghost of Jefferson Smith, the protagonist from the iconic “Mr. Smith goes to Washington,” was seen by numerous tourists and locals at different landmarks today. Reports place the spir... Read More & Comments
States battle over early primary dates, threaten civil war
10/1/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
For some States, the Republican primary can't seem to come soon enough. Dozens of States have shifted their primary voting dates as early as possible, causing an electoral war that is leading some States to openly ponder the potential for a second civil war.
Read More & Comments
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Trick-or-treaters get tricked by Democrats
10/31/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Halloween in Washington D.C. took on an unusually eerie glow tonight when trick-or-treaters were haunted by Democrats better suited to performing tricks than handing out treats. Reports of bewildered children disappointed by Democrats have been pouring in to Pardo... Read More & Comments
A PTP Halloween special for Conservatives: “The man with the icepick hand”
10/31/2011 8:45 AM Matt Rock -
Bill was your typical real American, working a real American job on a real American farm in the heartland of real America. His porch flew the American flag with 49 stars, because Hawaii isn't a real State. His Chevy pickup was made right here in the US of A, and ... Read More & Comments
Obama shows Occupy solidarity, camps in White House Rose Garden
10/30/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
President Barack Obama announced earlier today that he will camp out in the famous Rose Garden on the grounds of the White House, in an effort to show solidarity with the global “Occupy Wall Street Movement.” The President, who will be joined by Vice President Joe... Read More & Comments
Bachmann Iowa staffer: “We quit! Michele is bat-shit crazy!”
10/29/2011 7:59 PM Staff -
Pardon the Pundit has learned that, less than a month after Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire staff resigned, Bachmann’s Iowa staff has followed suit, quitting en masse after Bachmann made eye contact with a staff member during a meeting at t... Read More & Comments
Toonces the Driving Cat announces White House bid
10/29/2011 7:59 AM Alyson Durden -
Toonces “the Driving Cat” Calvin, known for being a Saturday Night Live (SNL) cast member in the late 1980s and early 90s, and who had not been on since his he made a guest appearance on the show in 2008, announced his plans to run for president.
The brown t... Read More & Comments
Perry jumps on "birtherism" bandwagon, months after nation moved on
10/28/2011 3:00 PM Alyson Durden -
Six months after President Barack Obama released his “long form” birth certificate, Governor Rick Perry announced he wants to see it. The move is seen by many analysts as yet another attempt to reboot a presidential campaign plagued by missteps and gaffes.
S... Read More & Comments
Pardon the Pundit political comedy contest final is set for next Friday 11/4
10/28/2011 9:23 AM Staff -
Congratulations to the finalist (listed below) for the Political Comedy contests being held at the Arlington Drafthouse. The finals are next Friday 11/4 at 7:30PM.
Absolutely hysterical political comedy... a must see!
Finalists: Andy Kline, Rahmein M... Read More & Comments
Rick Perry's birth certificate reveals more offensive terminology
10/27/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
Texas Governor Rick Perry, who recently attacked President Obama with a salvo of questions regarding his birth certificate, has released his own long-form birth certificate in an effort to rally support from the birther crowd. However, the GOP presidential candida... Read More & Comments
CNN airs story about average-looking kidnap victim
10/26/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
CNN made an embarrassing blunder yesterday when, for the first time ever, the news network reported that an average-looking woman had been kidnapped. The colossal mistake, which can be traced to an overzealous intern and a local TV news reporter trying desperately... Read More & Comments
Lost footage from Herman Cain's “smoking ad” revealed!
10/26/2011 6:02 AM Matt Rock -
Shortly after the recent release of Herman Cain's bizarre new campaign ad, showing Cain's Chief of Staff Mark Block smoking a cigarette, the Cain campaign has entered full damage control, inviting several members of the press, including PTP staff, to view the full,... Read More & Comments
Obamacare to be replaced with “Obamacure”
10/25/2011 3:01 PM Floyd Harden -
President Obama is finally delivering on all that change he promised when he campaigned in 2008. At an event in Cincinnati, Ohio yesterday, the President announced he will ask Congress to repeal Obamacare in favor of a new, more far-reaching government takeover of... Read More & Comments
Fleeing Bachmann NH camp picked up by Perry campaign
10/24/2011 8:14 PM Matt Rock -
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's New Hampshire presidential campaign staff, who abandoned her team this past weekend, have reportedly migrated to Texas Governor Rick Perry's New Hampshire offices, according to anonymous campaign insiders. News of the shi... Read More & Comments
Rahm Emanuel offers “get out of jail free” cards to Occupy protesters
10/24/2011 8:35 AM Matt Rock -
Chicago Mayor and former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel announced during a press conference this morning that he'll be offering “get out of jail free” cards to the hundreds of OWS (Occupy Wall Street) protesters that have been arrested during the recent an... Read More & Comments
Obama to run for re-re-election
10/23/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Pennsylvania voters who came to a town hall meeting today to listen to President Obama talk about his jobs package were surprised to hear the President wrap up the event by announcing, “I intend to seek a third term as your President because, while I expect my seco... Read More & Comments
Two arrests of Dr. Cornel West inspire second White House beer summit
10/23/2011 8:40 AM Matt Rock -
This afternoon, President Obama called for a four-way “beer summit” between himself, NYPD Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly, Washington DC Metro Police Chief Cathy L. Lanier, and civil rights activist Dr. Cornel West, who was arrested twice in the past week, in Was... Read More & Comments
McConnell kills trimmed-down Job bill
10/22/2011 3:05 PM Staff -
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell made it clear today that the latest, trimmed-down version of President Obama’s Jobs Act - renamed the American Job Act - will be filibustered by Senate Republicans, despite the fact that the bill in its present form would prov... Read More & Comments
Gadhafi in hell – the Pardon the Pundit interview
10/21/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Pardon the Pundit has scooped all of the major news outlets by getting a reporter into hell for an exclusive interview with Muammar Gadhafi, the former Libyan dictator who is now too dead to be reached otherwise. By convincing Frank, our least favorite and most gu... Read More & Comments
PTP fact checks the debate
10/21/2011 8:30 AM Floyd Harden -
A Pardon the Pundit fact check of last Tuesday’s Republican presidential debate has revealed numerous discrepancies between reality and the bald-faced whoppers that came out of candidates’ mouths. Here are a few of the crimes against the truth that took place at t... Read More & Comments
Muammar Gadhafi dead, couldn't go on after celebrity break-up
10/20/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
The long sought-after Libyan Dictator Muammar Gadhafi died in the Libyan city of Sirte today, according to numerous Libyan officials and freedom fighters. The embattled Gadhafi did not die of combat wounds, however. According to an unidentified Libyan surgeon ins... Read More & Comments
Sarah Palin survives helicopter crash while helping hunt escaped zoo animals
10/19/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock -
Former half-term governor and would-be Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin held a press conference earlier today from Bethesda Hospital in Muskingum County, Ohio, where she was admitted this afternoon after managing to walk away from a helicopter crash that kil... Read More & Comments
Undersecretary of Defense Pascone meets the press
10/19/2011 8:46 AM Floyd Harden -
President Obama’s recently appointed Undersecretary of Defense, Guido “the Weasel” Pascone, insists his new job responsibilities won’t include authorizing drone attacks on American citizens abroad who are suspected of being terrorists. In fact, at a hastily arrang... Read More & Comments
Hillary Clinton secretly visits Libya, searches for Ark of the Covenant
10/18/2011 3:15 PM Staff -
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a surprise visit to Tripoli today, claiming her trip relates to helping pave the groundwork for the new government being established in the country after Muammar Gaddafi fled the capital. However, numerous verified accounts ... Read More & Comments
McDonald's to build world's first fast food superconducting super collider
10/17/2011 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
McDonald's Corporation filed the last of their paperwork this morning to build the world's first superconducting super collider aimed specifically at developing new fast food products. The burger giant claims their lobbying efforts allowed them to surpass numerous... Read More & Comments
Rick Perry unveils new “666” economic plan
10/17/2011 7:45 AM Matt Rock -
Texas Governor and GOP Presidential hopeful Rick Perry revealed this morning his new economic plan, hoping to take from it a resurgence in the polls. The plan, called “Rick Perry's Yee-Haw Awesome 666 plan,” seems to have been directly influenced by Herman Cain's ... Read More & Comments
Bachmann campaign filing libel suit against soccer mom
10/16/2011 4:52 PM Floyd Harden -
A spokesman for Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign confirmed today that the campaign is preparing a libel suit against The Weekly Buzz, the newsletter for the Hummingbirds, an 8 and under boys’ soccer team from Gridley, California. The spokesman said that The... Read More & Comments
Small Kansas town joins in on October 15th “Occupy” demonstrations
10/15/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock -
A sleepy Kansas town, ironically named “Fawkes,” joined in the Occupy protests today, with 90% of the town's population of 218 people attending the event. Fawkes, which is so small it doesn't appear on any maps and probably didn't exist before PTP published this a... Read More & Comments
Satan fed up with GOP, becomes a Democrat
10/15/2011 9:50 AM Floyd Harden -
Just when it looked like gridlock would dominate the national political scene from here to eternity, Satan has left the Republican Party and become a Democrat, dramatically altering the balance of power in Washington and potentially dealing a critical blow to Repub... Read More & Comments
Disaster unfolds after Romney attempts to be funny
10/14/2011 3:04 PM Matt Rock -
Tragedy struck in Iowa earlier this afternoon when GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney attempted to do something comical. One woman was killed during Romney's routine, and three others were taken to area hospitals with minor injuries. There is no word as to w... Read More & Comments
Supporters of gay marriage seek ban on heterosexual marriage
10/13/2011 8:10 PM Floyd Harden -
Supporters of gay marriage, hoping to flex their political muscle in the wake of both the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the passage of legislation legalizing homosexual marriage in the state of New York, are seeking a constitutional amendment banning marriage ... Read More & Comments
Romney’s Presidential dream comes true
10/13/2011 9:40 AM Floyd Harden -
That Mitt Romney is a real go-getter. Romney, who the press has declared a lock to win the Republican nomination, had himself sworn in as President this morning and wasted no time issuing orders to military commanders, White House Staff and even Michelle Obama, te... Read More & Comments
Michelle Obama announced as next White House Chief of Staff
10/12/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock -
White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley, who announced earlier this week that he'll be stepping down from his position after President Obama wins his re-election bid in 2012, held a press conference earlier today alongside the President in which he announced his repl... Read More & Comments
RNC to host 40,000 candidate debate
10/11/2011 8:45 PM Floyd Harden -
Like Republicans everywhere, the Republican National Committee is unhappy with the current field of presidential candidates. Now the RNC is doing something about it. On October 21st, every Republican in the country who wants to be President will participate in o... Read More & Comments
Palin mistakenly promotes McGinniss’ book
10/11/2011 9:40 AM Floyd Harden -
Sarah Palin stopped by FOX and Friends this morning to promote “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin,” and seemed oblivious to the fact that the new book by Joe McGinnis portrays the former vice-presidential candidate as a shallow, self-absorbed bitch.
... Read More & Comments
Super President Gingrich would take charge of Washington
10/10/2011 3:05 PM Floyd Harden -
Newt Gingrich promised yesterday that, if elected, he would become the nation’s first "Super President," and would use his superpowers for the good of all Americans – except the ones who disagree with him.
Appearing on Face the Nation to defend the stand h... Read More & Comments
The American Dream, dead at age 235
10/9/2011 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
Every so often, a news story comes along where the staff here at PTP is so moved, so saddened, that we can only treat it delicately and with as serious a tone as we can muster. This is not an article of satire, but one of great reflection and sadness. And so, it ... Read More & Comments
Romney advocates “American Assholism”
10/9/2011 9:00 AM Floyd Harden -
Speaking to cadets at the Citadel in South Carolina Friday, Mitt Romney called for a return to American global military supremacy as he enthusiastically embraced what he dubbed “American Assholism.” In a speech his campaign billed as “a major foreign policy addres... Read More & Comments
Researchers fear Wall Street protests may bring about zombie apocalypse
10/8/2011 2:59 PM Matt Rock -
Earlier today, a summit of scientists, doctors, and other researchers concluded that a zombie apocalypse is indeed a possible reality in our near future, and that the quickly-spreading “Occupy Wall Street” protests, which are taking hold across the nation, may actu... Read More & Comments
Michele Bachmann “horribly offended” by Obama's “Jobs” Bill
10/7/2011 7:59 PM Matt Rock -
Congresswoman and GOP Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann claimed this afternoon that she is both “horribly offended” and “terribly disappointed” by President Obama's jobs bill. Bachmann, who is scheduled to speak tonight at a Values Voters Summit in the nation'... Read More & Comments
Congress to sick people “Drive yourself”
10/7/2011 9:30 AM Alyson Durden -
Following the announcement that Congressmen Steve Rothman (D-NJ) and Pete King (R-NY) have decided to drop the HEROES Act, a bill that would have provided funding for communications equipment for first responders, some in Congress have decided that this does not go... Read More & Comments
Palin to run for Vice President
10/6/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Sarah Palin shocked the political world today when she announced she will not seek the Presidency, but will instead run for Vice President because, in her words, “Ya know, I’m always telling Todd and the kids how it’s super bad luck to ignore a Mayan doomsday thing... Read More & Comments
Congress’ opinion of Americans at all time low
10/5/2011 8:30 PM Floyd Harden -
A new Pardon The Pundit poll has revealed a startling fact: Congress hates the American people just as much as the American people hate Congress. The poll, which was conducted last week, puts Congress’ approval rating of the American people at a paltry 13% - exact... Read More & Comments
2012 Democratic Party playbook leaked on the web
10/5/2011 9:05 AM Matt Rock -
The infamous website Wikileaks, forever a lightning rod for controversy, released early this morning the DNC's 2012 playbook, outlining the party's full agenda. The playbook, which covers in thorough detail their full campaigning, legislative, and controversy agen... Read More & Comments
Romney denies using voodoo to stop Christie run
10/4/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Pardon The Pundit has learned that Mitt Romney may have used voodoo to influence New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s just-announced decision not to run for President. Romney, the frontrunner who probably had the most to lose from Governor Christie’s entrance into... Read More & Comments
Jobs Bill to be settled by the only tried and true method: Dodgeball
10/3/2011 9:25 PM Alyson Durden -
In a rare joint appearance, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced they have decided there is only one way to pick a jobs plan, one that matches their collective maturity level: Dodgeball.
“We’ve tried nego... Read More & Comments
Robo-signing blamed for Solyndra fiasco
10/3/2011 10:20 AM Floyd Harden -
Testifying before the House Energy and Commerce Committee today, Department of Energy Secretary Steven Chu revealed that the now infamous half-billion-dollar loan to solar power company Solyndra happened after the DOE instituted robo-signing to cut through red tape... Read More & Comments
Perry shoots “illegal immigrant”
10/2/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden -
Appearing at a town hall meeting in Hampton, New Hampshire Friday, Texas Governor Rick Perry responded to critics who say he is soft on illegal immigration by shooting an immigrant. At least that’s what he meant to do. It turns out the person Perry shot was Elisa... Read More & Comments
Al Qaeda magazine to publish first-ever swimsuit issue
10/1/2011 8:36 PM Floyd Harden -
Desperate to boost circulation, the English version of the Al Qaeda magazine "Inspire" will break with its terrorist tradition to publish its first-ever swimsuit issue. The surprise announcement came yesterday via the release of a videotape recorded by editor-in-h... Read More & Comments
Santorum switches to Dick
10/1/2011 8:46 AM Floyd Harden -
Political observers are scratching their heads today after Rick Santorum announced that, from now on, he wants to be called Dick. Santorum’s announcement, coming as it does in the midst of a presidential campaign, is puzzling to many, though an anonymous source cl... Read More & Comments
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