Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Hillary Rodham Clinton to become a man
6/30/2011 8:32 AM Frank Walters
Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided that she no longer wants to be a woman.
The former First Lady said she would undergo a sex change operation next week in a suburban Washington D.C. clinic. The reason behind the move, she said, is revenge... Read More & Comments
Study: Weiner Less Offensive Than Average Internet Dating Site User
6/28/2011 7:17 AM Katie
The recent scandal caused by sexually graphic photos of Representative Anthony Weiner caused such damage to the congressman's image that he resigned. A Harvard University study released today, however, shows that most women actually find Weiner less offensive than ... Read More & Comments
PardonThePundit launches a political comedy contest in the DC area to recruit for their 2012 cast
6/27/2011 2:52 AM Staff
Pardon the Pundit (PTP) is a political comedy theater company and political satire publication based in Washington DC. Join us live as we audition 30 political comedians for limited spots on our 2012 live cast. The winner (along with other top performers) will join... Read More & Comments
New Gas Price Reduction Bill to Significantly Increase Total Fuel “Experience” Cost for Consumer
6/25/2011 12:04 PM Jake
The White House announced today that President Obama will sign into law a new bill that will reduce the price of gas a full 75% across the board. The new law will incorporate traditional politics with new technology. The president is preparing to speak to the natio... Read More & Comments
Wal-Mart execs announce new “diversity improvement” plan
6/22/2011 9:47 PM Matt Terzi
Wal-Mart executives today announced the roll-out of their new “diversity improvement” plan, in an effort to answer their ongoing myriad of controversies regarding employment practices involving minorities and females. The new plan is aimed at ending the siege of c... Read More & Comments
Republican Outrage Over "Zombie Apocalypse" Bill
6/19/2011 9:04 AM Tanya
House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan publicly lashed out at President Obama today over what he's dubbed the "zombie apocalypse bill." According to Ryan, a recently proposed revision of the budget includes a provision for the development and execution of an attached bill... Read More & Comments
Recent Survey Show Voters Favor Candidates Who Lie
6/16/2011 5:03 AM Floyd
A recent poll conducted by PTP Voter Surveys has resulted in some stunning revelations about the American electorate. The poll, conducted by phone over a three minute period last Tuesday evening, indicates that American voters are far more likely than at any time i... Read More & Comments
Ralph Nader Gearing Up To Make A Serious Run In 2010
6/13/2011 10:24 AM Paul
Ralph Nader’s political career has never actually been taken seriously, his poll numbers are comically low, and he typically looks like he could use a nap. In short, it’s time for him to strike while the iron is hot.
Mr. Nader recently hinted strongly about... Read More & Comments
Trump Launches Investigation Into Trump's Decision Not To Run
6/10/2011 3:12 PM Floyd
Donald Trump appears to be having second thoughts about his decision not to campaign for the Presidency. Speaking with reporters from his office in Manhattan, Trump expressed doubts about what he described as “this puzzling decision I made”.
Trump told repor... Read More & Comments
MSNBC's Ed Schultz to Undergo Sensitivity Training
6/8/2011 9:58 AM Coyle
After referring to conservative radio talk show host Laura Ingraham as a “right-wing slut” on his radio show last week, MSNBC host Ed Schultz has agreed to a week-long sensitivity training class as a part of his suspension by the network.
Schultz used the de... Read More & Comments
Weiner Comes Clean as Twitter Followers Skyrocket
6/6/2011 3:14 PM Floyd
New York Congressman Anthony Weiner today attempted to clarify his position regarding the photo that was recently tweeted from his Twitter account to a college student in Seattle, Washington.
Speaking to reporters gathered outside his office, Weiner confirm... Read More & Comments
“Certitude”: Is There Anything This Word Can’t Do?
6/5/2011 11:34 AM Sal
With the “sexting” craze sweeping the nation, even Washington D.C., the pinnacle of all that is moral and good, is not immune to it. Ironically this week, it came to light politico House Representative Anthony Weiner had allegedly sent a picture of... well... his w... Read More & Comments
White House in Foreclosure, Obama to Run Nation from Motel 6
6/3/2011 8:52 AM Frank
It was announced this afternoon that the Arab National Bank now owns the White House. The foreclosure comes as a result of the U.S. defaulting on a secret mortgage taken out by President George W. Bush while in office.
When contacted at his Texas ranch, Bus... Read More & Comments
Gingrich to Nation: "Will You Marry Me?"
6/1/2011 8:30 AM Katie
Speaking to Iowa voters Monday, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich revealed the purpose of his scandal-causing Tiffany & Co. credit account.
“I am planning to buy America a giant engagement ring,” Gingrich told the crowd in Des Moines. “I want a... Read More & Comments
Fox News announces Glenn Beck's replacement
6/30/2011 3:00 PM Matt Terzi
With Glenn Beck leaving the TV airwaves later today, Fox News has announced the new pundit who will be taking his place: a homeless man named “Harold” whom they found in New York City. Harold will broadcast his very first show on July 4th, 2011, on a program calle... Read More & Comments
PardonThePundit Notes: increased production, new team member, and now in print
6/29/2011 10:04 PM Staff
Starting tomorrow (Thursday, June 30th) we will be publishing 2 articles a day! We hope you enjoy the increased production of fake political news.
In addition we are thrilled to announce the addition of Matt Terzi as our “Chief of Staff”. He will play the r... Read More & Comments
Trump Reconsiders Run for Office and Historic Washington DC Golf Resort
6/27/2011 10:59 AM Jax
Although Donald Trump has officially removed his hat from the 2012 Presidential race, a recent interview has revealed that he may still be willing to run. “I’ve given it some serious thought since I bowed out.” says Trump. “At first I felt that the job would be too... Read More & Comments
Weiner's House Seat Sold on eBay
6/26/2011 11:17 AM Katie
Common wisdom in Washington has long been that the candidate with the most money will win the election. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo decided to cut out the middleman – the electorate – and sell Representative Anthony Weiner’s recently vacated seat on eBay.
Read More & Comments
Obama ‘Moonlighting’ for the Golden Arches
6/23/2011 7:12 AM Sal
With the latest jobless rate numbers released this week, and the economic outlook for the nation continuing to look grim, it was discovered no one is immune to the financial crunch. Photos surfaced on Tuesday of President Obama in the standard blue shirt, black sla... Read More & Comments
Tragedy unfolds as VP Biden crashes cart during “Golf Summit”
6/22/2011 6:55 AM Matt Terzi
Authorities say one person was killed and seven were injured today when Vice President Joe Biden accidentally drove his golf cart onto a busy outdoor dining terrace. The event brought a sad close to the famed “Golf Summit,” Where Mr. Biden joined President Obama,... Read More & Comments
House Republicans Vote to Arm Preschoolers
6/17/2011 10:52 AM Floyd
In a move certain to fuel debate across the country, House Republicans voted unanimously today to provide every child in America under the age of five with a free .22 caliber handgun. The controversial bill came in the midst of growing disagreement in Washington ov... Read More & Comments
Butt-Crack Campaigning is The Next Big Thing
6/15/2011 11:20 AM Sal
Albeit nearly three years ago, apparently Joe the Plumber is still having resounding affects on the American Political scene. Just yesterday, it was announced while campaigning throughout the Midwest and the better part of the South, Incumbent President, Barrack Ob... Read More & Comments
Strange Smell Alerts Authorities to Historic Fort Knox Heist
6/12/2011 9:24 AM Nexus
The government was shaken today by the revelation that most of the gold in Fort Knox has been replaced by giant chocolate bars covered with gold leaf. Though there was a concerted effort not to let the news leak out, a heat wave coupled with an air conditioning bre... Read More & Comments
USDA Auctions Off Space on New Food Plate Design
6/9/2011 11:04 AM Coyle
In the latest scheme to help reduce the $1.6 trillion federal budget deficit, the United States Department of Agriculture has decided to auction off space on its new Food Plate icon, designed to replace the decades-old Food Pyramid as a guide to healthy eating.
... Read More & Comments
Pawlenty Replaces Sheen on "Violent Torpedo of Truth" Tour
6/7/2011 10:00 AM Coyle
After universal panning by critics and audience members, Charlie Sheen has been replaced as the host of his own stand-up comedy show, the “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour, by Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty. Sponsors of the show, hoping to revive the ... Read More & Comments
Palin Resigns Presidency
6/6/2011 7:47 AM Floyd
In a stunning development certain to turn the 2012 Presidential race upside down, Sarah Palin announced today that, effective tomorrow at 12:01 p.m. eastern standard time, she will resign as President of the United States. The announcement, which was posted on her ... Read More & Comments
Texas Governor Rick Perry Reaches Compromise On Abortion, Marijuana and Fatty Foods
6/4/2011 8:18 AM Jake
Last week, as conservative Republicans in Texas made national news with the debut of a bill requiring women seeking abortions to be informed about the status of the fetus and see a sonogram, Rick Perry found inspiration in the way that the left and right were able ... Read More & Comments
Justice Department to Prosecute Politicians Having Affairs in Lieu of Prosecutions of Bankers Responsible for Economic Meltdown
6/2/2011 11:20 AM Nexus
The U.S. Department of Justice has announced that it will be prosecuting former Senator and presidential hopeful John Edwards for failing to declare $700,000 in campaign funds during the 2008 presidential election. According to Edwards’ campaign aides, the money wa... Read More & Comments
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.