Pardon The Pundit - Political Satire and Humor Archives September 2011

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$620 million in government stimulus goes to lemonade stand 9/30/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden - When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When the government gives you $620 million dollars, make more lemonade, exploit tax loopholes and ruthlessly grind your competition into dust. That’s the business model 10 year-old Becky Pascal from Glendale, California,... Read More & Comments

Bachmann says all vaccinations are dangerous 9/29/2011 8:22 PM Floyd Harden - Michele Bachmann has doubled down on her claim that the HPV vaccination causes retardation. Citing the same reliable, drunk lady source who came up to her after the Republican debate in Florida recently, Bachman now says that vaccinations of all kinds have dangero... Read More & Comments

Pardon the Pundit's political live comedy contest starts October 5th 9/29/2011 10:19 AM Staff - Join us live as we audition 18 to 30 political satire acts for limited spots on our 2012 live cast. The winner (along with other top performers) will join our cast and perform live political comedy in showcase shows throughout the DC area.

Wednesday Oct 5 20... Read More & Comments

Mattel to market political action figures 9/28/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - Just in time for Halloween, Mattel has introduced a new line of action figures that depict real-life politicians, including Barack Obama, John Boehner, Mitt Romney, Anthony Weiner, and Michele Bachmann. The figures, each of which is designed to mimic characteristi... Read More & Comments

New Paul Ryan proposal would “make corporations people more than people are people” 9/28/2011 6:25 AM Matt Rock - Budget Chairman Paul Ryan announced this morning a new proposal that would, in his own words, “make corporations people more than people are people.” The proposal is said to be getting two-to-one disapproval throughout the House and Senate, with Democrats feeling ... Read More & Comments

Questions orbit around Chris Christie as he prepares for large speech at Reagan Library 9/27/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been stirring up a tremendous amount of buzz lately, with journalists and talking heads all asking the same thing: Will he or won't he run, or breathlessly stagger, for President? We might find out tonight as Christie is set... Read More & Comments

“Sodagate” threatens to shut down government 9/26/2011 8:05 PM Floyd Harden - Pardon The Pundit has learned the real reason the federal government is on the brink of shutting down is that Democrats and Republicans in Congress are locked in a death struggle over Coke versus Pepsi. Reports of disagreements between the two sides over FEMA mone... Read More & Comments

Perry Declares Constitution Unconstitutional 9/26/2011 9:05 AM Coyle - In a stunning revelation during a stump speech in Iowa, current Republican Presidential front-runner Rick Perry announced to an audience of enthusiastic supporters that the United States Constitution was unconstitutional and must be repealed immediately.

"It... Read More & Comments

Apes rise to form new Banana Republian Party 9/25/2011 3:15 PM Floyd Harden - Taking their cue from the blockbuster movie, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, apes all across the U.S. have escaped from laboratories and zoos and have banded together to launch the Banana Republicans, a new political party that aims to address ape grievances and pr... Read More & Comments

Herman Cain wins straw poll, voters ask for a re-do after press conference 9/24/2011 8:10 PM Matt Rock - GOP Presidential contender and former Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain surprisingly trumped his rivals in today's Florida Straw Poll, crushing his opponents with a dominating victory. However, his strong polling results may be in jeopardy after countless poll par... Read More & Comments

Obama raises the dead – Republicans unimpressed 9/24/2011 7:54 AM Floyd Harden - These days, it seems President Obama just can’t win. Republicans are again attacking the President after he did something that, in a less partisan era, would have been hailed as a bona fide miracle.

Here’s what happened: This morning, as the President was t... Read More & Comments

Lex Luthor to run for President 9/23/2011 3:10 PM Floyd Harden - Shortly after using a death ray to destroy Missouri, criminal mastermind, longtime nemesis of Superman, and staunch Republican Lex Luthor this morning announced his candidacy for President of the United States. With voters desperate for a candidate who will do what... Read More & Comments

Rick Santorum suing Google over improper definition of his name 9/22/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock - GOP Presidential candidate and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is suing Internet giant Google over the website www.spreadingsantorum.com, claiming the site does not accurately define the word “santorum,” and that Google's search results should present the... Read More & Comments

President Obama doubles down on class warfare 9/22/2011 9:30 AM Floyd Harden - President Obama, after confirming that he has indeed declared class warfare on the rich, upped the ante yesterday by declaring class warfare on anyone who wears a straw hat, redheads, fans of The Home Shopping Network, the Cleveland Browns, body doubles, people who... Read More & Comments

EXCLUSIVE - Michele Bachmann pregnant with Yahweh’s love child! 9/21/2011 3:30 PM Floyd Harden - Just hours after switching to Judaism because God stopped returning her calls, Michele Bachmann announced this afternoon that she is carrying Yahweh’s love child, making her the second woman ever to experience Immaculate Conception.

Pardon The Pundit caugh... Read More & Comments

Ghadafi Announces Candidacy for Republican Nomination for President 9/20/2011 8:00 PM Coyle - In a shocking development yesterday, Moammar Ghadafi showed up in New York City to declare that he was stepping down as leader of Libya in order to announce his candidacy for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Ghadafi decided to re... Read More & Comments

Bill sends Hillary flowers for Secretary’s Day 9/20/2011 9:00 AM Floyd Harden - Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men and former presidents go horribly awry.

Former President Bill Clinton recently discovered just how awry things can go when he tried to get on his wife’s good side but instead found himself in an all too familiar ... Read More & Comments

DC Metro cooties outbreak spreading, authorities warn 9/19/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - The CDC, FDA, and the Department of Health in Washington DC have issued a massive warning to all citizens within a 100 mile radius of the nation's capital that a highly contagious strain of cooties, previously believed to be isolated strictly to the Obama administr... Read More & Comments

Obama's debt reduction plan calls for innovative new taxes 9/18/2011 8:30 PM Matt Rock - President Obama announced today that while his administrative White House staff works feverishly to bring about their new jobs bill, he'll be single-handedly penning his own debt reduction plan. The President says that the new bill could have our national debt com... Read More & Comments

Palin’s top secret election strategy revealed 9/18/2011 9:35 AM Floyd Harden - Sarah Palin’s secret plan for winning the White House has been revealed – and observers are scratching their heads trying to figure out how Palin came up with this one.

The unorthodox strategy was leaked in a series of texts sent to PTP late last night by so... Read More & Comments

Nude photos of President Obama surface 9/17/2011 5:30 PM Matt Rock - Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton claims that he has obtained a collection of nude photos of President Barack Obama, allegedly taken inside the White House and dated shortly after his inauguration on January 20th, 2009. The NSA and FBI have launched full investigatio... Read More & Comments

Obama’s jobs bill to benefit 70’s singing group 9/16/2011 8:10 PM Floyd Harden - At this morning’s White House briefing, Press Secretary Jay Carney inadvertently revealed an Administration secret when he said that President Obama’s $447 billion dollar jobs bill is meant to help a construction worker, a traffic cop, a sailor, a cowboy, a leather... Read More & Comments

Marcus Bachmann sparks new controversy with endorsement of Iowa Health Spa 9/16/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock - The husband of GOP Presidential primary contender Michele Bachmann has made headlines once again, this time with his controversial endorsement of a health spa in the Des Moines, Iowa area. Marcus Bachmann was stopped by a local news reporter moments after leaving ... Read More & Comments

Tea Party organizers show proof that Liberals are involved in their movement 9/15/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - The Tea Party announced this morning that they do, in fact, have Liberals involved with their astroturf political movement, confirming what has long been considered a myth with compelling evidence that not one, not two, but three whole Liberals are advocates of the... Read More & Comments

Submissivegate! 9/14/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - Michele Bachmann confirmed yesterday that she is submissive to her husband, “but only when he wears black leather chaps and calls me Wanda.” Bachmann, fresh off her victory in the Iowa straw poll, was trying to calm the furor over an interview she gave in 2006 in w... Read More & Comments

East Coast plagued by plagues 9/14/2011 9:05 AM Floyd Harden - Did God finally get around to punishing gays, big spending politicians, liberals, and socialists? No one knows for sure. What is known is that the east coast of the United States has been struck by what many are calling “modern day plagues.” Frogs in leaky diape... Read More & Comments

Pawlenty endorses Romney for President 9/13/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden - Tim Pawlenty announced recently that he is endorsing Mitt Romney for President and taking back all the mean crap he said about Romney while they were both still in the race.

Pawlenty, who dropped out following his disappointing showing in the Iowa caucuses, ... Read More & Comments

Mitt Romney involved in lurid sex scandal with Mitt Romney 9/12/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock - Unconfirmed reports of Mitt Romney's vile, heinous love affair with Mitt Romney have finally been verified, thanks to special dumpster-diver reporting by PTP's crack team of journalists, and tell-all interviews with anonymous members of Romney's campaign staff. Ac... Read More & Comments

Romney says corporations rock - people suck 9/12/2011 9:01 AM Floyd Harden - Republican Presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney drew criticism today when, at a campaign stop in Iowa, he implied that not only are corporations people, they are actually super humans. Speaking at a luncheon sponsored by Iowans for R... Read More & Comments

Study finds Democrats, Republicans equally offended by political satire 9/10/2011 9:00 PM Matt Rock - A new study conducted by Johns Hopkins University has discovered that Democrats and Republicans are both subject to being offended by any political satire or other comedic works that poke fun directly at their beliefs. The white paper produced by their 9,000 hours... Read More & Comments

Reagan haunts Republican debate 9/10/2011 9:00 AM Floyd Harden - As if the Republican presidential candidates didn’t have enough on their plates as they compete for the chance to square off against President Obama next November, now they have the ghost of Ronald Reagan to contend with – the real ghost of Reagan, not the fictiona... Read More & Comments

Gap between dumb and dumber widening 9/9/2011 9:50 AM Floyd Harden - Recent surveys point to a historically unprecedented widening of the gap in America between the dumb and the dumber. In all sectors of society, it appears that most of the dumb is now owned by the dumbest 5 percent of dumb people while the less dumb are struggling ... Read More & Comments

Romney, Perry erupt into escalating tough talk, violence during GOP primary debate 9/8/2011 3:43 PM Matt Rock - Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and current Texas Governor Rick Perry stole the show, and each other's pants, last night at the Politico/ NBC GOP debate in Simi Valley, California at the Reagan Library. What started as a few playful verbal jabs, however,... Read More & Comments

Gaddafi’s radio show nominated for three Grammys 9/7/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - Muammar Gaddafi’s radio show has been honored with three Grammy nominations, marking the first time a brutal ex-dictator has received such recognition from the recording industry. The nominations, which were announced this morning, were met with mixed reactions fr... Read More & Comments

Cheney says he has no regrets, nation shrugs 9/7/2011 9:30 AM Alyson Durden - In former Vice President Dick Cheney’s new book, he gives his side of his life -- and admits he has no regrets about anything. Ever. He views his entire existence as absolute perfection and the only problems he has encountered were when people did not bend to his w... Read More & Comments

Bachmann campaign manager, deputy leave team, citing increased alien abductions 9/6/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Michele Bachmann's campaign manager, Ed Rollins, and his deputy manager, David Polyansky, announced late Monday that they would both be leaving the congresswoman's campaign team, after helping transform Bachmann from a fringe laughing stock into a fringe top-tier G... Read More & Comments

President Obama sparks new controversy, announces winners of “Mars Mission Lottery” 9/5/2011 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Speaking at a special Labor Day event in Detroit, President Barack Obama announced today the winners of what he described as “a special, top-secret lottery that will send Americans to Mars on an exploratory mission in 2012.” The media world has been buzzing since ... Read More & Comments

Poll finds that 70% of Americans have no idea what Labor Day is 9/5/2011 7:00 AM Matt Rock - A new Pew/ USA Today poll has concluded that a staggering 70% of Americans have no idea what Labor Day is, or what it's meant to celebrate. Participants ages 18 to 30 made up the most disappointing margin, showing that today's youth “has zero appreciation of what ... Read More & Comments

Vatican confirms US east coast earthquake is a sign of the beginning of the "end of days," predict the rapture can happen "any time now" 9/4/2011 3:05 PM Alyson Durden - A spokesman for the Vatican confirmed that the recent earthquake that rocked the United States’ east coast region, prompting widespread panic, water main breaks, power outages, school closings, metro delays and the list goes on -- and this is just within the city o... Read More & Comments

Democrats Going After Republicans “Where it Counts” 9/3/2011 8:00 PM Ross Sherman - In an apparent and dramatic shift in political strategy, a group of spokespeople for the National Democratic Party yesterday announced that, in order to break “congressional deadlock” and speed the passage of various pieces of “critical legislation,” they would ins... Read More & Comments

President Obama fires Congress 9/3/2011 9:10 AM Floyd Harden - In an effort to restore Americans’ faith in their government, President Obama has taken advantage of a little-known clause in the Constitution to sweep away the most unpopular Congress in history, replacing Senators and House members alike with movie stars, game sh... Read More & Comments

The fight for equal rights and dignity for corporations 9/2/2011 3:00 PM Ron Placone - The City of Aurora, CO is proposing to allow corporation Gaylord Entertainment the right to vote. This proposal was not met without controversy and objection, however this could mean significant progress for the continued fight for equal rights for corporations. Read More & Comments

Paul Ryan denies allegations that he is a vampire 9/1/2011 8:03 PM Alyson Durden - Congressman and Budget Director Paul Ryan’s office found itself in the odd position of defending the Wisconsin Republican against new allegations -- that he is actually a vampire. The issue came up after he released his proposal to reform Medicare when certain seni... Read More & Comments

Tim Pawlenty to host new Fox News show 9/1/2011 9:02 AM Matt Rock - Former Minnesota Governor and former 2012 GOP Presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty is set to begin hosting a new one-hour Fox News program later this Fall. This marks the first time Pawlenty has been mentioned in the news since he dropped out of the Presidential ra... Read More & Comments

GOP angered by Obama's plan to leave “No Child Left Behind” behind 9/30/2011 8:05 PM Matt Rock - In an ongoing effort to refuse cooperation with President Obama on anything, several key Republican and Tea Party figures have announced their disdain over the President's announced plan to sign an executive order allowing States to opt out of the controversial Bus... Read More & Comments

Karl Rove claims Elizabeth Warren has monkey herpes 9/30/2011 6:35 AM Floyd Harden - Lately, Democratic candidate Elizabeth Warren has been talking about the responsibilities of the rich to honor their end of America’s grand social contract and about the real reasons behind America’s massive national debt. What’s worse, she’s been doing it in a wa... Read More & Comments

Solyndra HQ discovered to be location of Al Gore's secret lair 9/29/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - More controversy is spiraling out of California today as Solyndra, the now-defunct green technology business with shady Federal lending practices, has been revealed by authorities to be little more than a front, hiding away an incredible top-secret underground lair... Read More & Comments

Romney Proposes SHIT 9/29/2011 7:30 AM Coyle - Just a few weeks before the Republican presidential candidates square off in a debate sponsored by the Bloomberg Television in New Hampshire, Mitt Romney has proposed a new idea that he hopes will revive the momentum his campaign has lost in recent weeks to the new... Read More & Comments

Florida election officials to use Microsoft's “Clippy” to help voters in 2012 9/28/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - State officials in Florida announced earlier this afternoon that, in an effort to make voting easier in the Sunshine State, they will be introducing “Clippy,” the famous retired Microsoft help character, inside ballot boxes. Clippy will be featured in all electron... Read More & Comments

Entire population of Wisconsin hiding out in Illinois 9/27/2011 8:52 PM Floyd Harden - In what is thought to be an effort to avoid being labeled “residents of Wisconsin,” residents of Wisconsin, virtually all 73 of them, have fled the state and are now hiding out in hotels in neighboring Illinois - most of them in Chicago.

Wisconsonites’ emba... Read More & Comments

Historians agree - Jimmy Carter least funny president 9/27/2011 10:01 AM Floyd Harden - A poll of presidential historians conducted last week by PTP has confirmed what many have suspected for some time – Jimmy Carter wasn’t funny. The historians were tasked with ranking all of America’s Presidents from funniest to “so not funny I would rather go to wa... Read More & Comments

Gary Johnson claims he wasn't aware he was running for President 9/26/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson announced in a press release today that, like everyone else in the United States, he was completely unaware that he was even a candidate for the GOP nomination for a 2012 Presidential bid, until his fiancee, Kate Prusack, fou... Read More & Comments

Man finds original Bill of Rights in attic 9/25/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - A man cleaning out his attic last weekend made a discovery that promises to turn the gun control debate in America on its head. Perry Crane of Coal Fork, West Virginia, was going through a box of old family photos when he came across what experts are now saying is ... Read More & Comments

Europeans say rape of Africa was consensual 9/25/2011 9:35 AM Floyd Harden - In a statement released yesterday, the western European nations accused of raping the African Continent claim their “relations” with Africa have always been consensual. Speaking for France, Belgium, Great Britain and the Netherlands, former International Monetary F... Read More & Comments

Ron Paul stumbles into accidental press interview 9/24/2011 3:26 PM Matt Rock - GOP Presidential hopeful Ron Paul briefly managed to make headlines this afternoon when he accidentally walked up to a podium in front of a press pool that was actually set up for fellow candidate and fellow Texan Rick Perry. The Libertarian favorite found himself... Read More & Comments

Obama Trumps Romney With 60-Step Jobs Plan 9/23/2011 8:00 PM Coyle - Just days after Mitt Romney unveiled his 59-step plan to bring jobs back to America, President Barack Obama trumped the former Massachusetts Governor by announcing his own 60-step jobs plan during a joint session of Congress.

In a nationally-televised speech... Read More & Comments

Rick Perry's new jobs plan calls for wider-reaching executions 9/23/2011 8:30 AM Matt Rock - Texas Governor and GOP Presidential frontrunner Rick Perry announced this morning his campaign's new stance on job creation at the Federal level, claiming that if elected, his administration will push for widespread executions that reach far beyond the realm of tho... Read More & Comments

Todd Palin filing for divorce from Sarah Palin, says it has nothing to do with Palin book 9/22/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Former First Gentleman of Alaska and Champion snowmobile racer Todd Palin announced earlier this afternoon that after two decades of marriage, he will soon be filing for divorce from former half-term Governor and 2008 Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The ... Read More & Comments

Republicans to spice up future debates with “Death-Offs” 9/21/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - After audiences at the last two Republican presidential debates reacted bloodthirstily to questions that touched on life and death issues, debate organizers have decided to introduce an exciting new twist for upcoming debates: each debate will now include a “Death-... Read More & Comments

Michele Bachmann converting to Judaism, says God not returning her calls 9/21/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock - GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced this morning that after careful consideration, she will no longer identify herself as Christian, opting instead to take up Judaism. When asked why Bachmann made this shocking decision, she claimed that God was ... Read More & Comments

“Don't Ask, Don't Tell” repeal causes disastrous battlefield horrors 9/20/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - The military's controversial “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” policy was officially lifted at 12:01 am, and just as the Family Research Council and other far-right Christian groups warned, the results have been catastrophic in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Numerous verifie... Read More & Comments

In an unfortunate choice of words, Hoffa threatens to bury Republicans 9/19/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - Teamsters Union President James Hoffa got himself into hot water again today when, after apologizing for calling Republicans “sons of bitches” prior to a Labor Day speech by President Obama, he declared “I will do everything in my power to bury anti-union Republica... Read More & Comments

Texting teen sends NSA on wild goose chase 9/19/2011 8:45 AM Floyd Harden - The FBI, CIA and local law enforcement agencies across the country went on high alert this morning after the NSA reported a sudden spike in chatter that they interpreted as an indication of a credible threat to national security. As it turns out, the NSA was barki... Read More & Comments

TSA to travelers: "Shoes can stay on, but pants are coming off" 9/18/2011 3:10 PM Coyle - After months of detailed internal analysis, the Transportation Security Administration has completely overhauled its security procedures for air travel.

According to the new rules, passengers will now be able to keep their shoes on while going through a sec... Read More & Comments

Government Bails Out Postal Service By Banning All Forms of Communication 9/17/2011 10:00 PM Coyle - As the United States Postal Service faced the possible threat of default at the end of this month, President Obama ordered an emergency session of Congress today in order to quickly pass new legislation that would ban all forms of communication other than written l... Read More & Comments

Perry lowers the bar for lethal injection 9/17/2011 9:10 AM Floyd Harden - Rick Perry has a message for soft-on-crime liberals who were shocked by the bloodthirsty applause Perry received at the Republican debate on September 7th when moderator Brian Williams mentioned the 234 executions that have taken place during Perry’s tenure as Texa... Read More & Comments

"Poor Me Effect" strikes the rich 9/16/2011 2:45 PM Floyd Harden - There’s more bad news on the economic front today. Coming on the heels of census data that confirm the U.S. poverty rate has hit an all-time high, a survey conducted by the Republican Party shows that millionaires and billionaires are suffering, too. According to... Read More & Comments

Obama resigns to join the Marines 9/15/2011 8:00 PM Floyd Harden - President Obama announced today that he is resigning the Presidency so that he can enlist in the Marines. Obama made his decision after sharing a beer with Dakota Meyer, the Medal of Honor recipient who repeatedly risked his own life to save the lives of scores of... Read More & Comments

Michele Bachmann claims HPV vaccine to blame for verbal flubs 9/15/2011 9:30 AM Matt Rock - GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced this morning that her numerous comical and oftentimes misinforming quotes should all be blamed not on her lack of knowledge regarding history or contemporary politics, or any desire to mislead a given audience, ... Read More & Comments

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announces US Presidency bid 9/14/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Iranian President and pseudo-despot Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced on Iranian state TV this morning that he is throwing his hat, and possibly a few severed heads, into the race for the Presidency in the United States. Ahmadinejad claims he has discovered a loophole... Read More & Comments

Congress angry over jobs bill, claim their jobs aren't protected 9/13/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock - Members of Congress have expressed their outrage that the President's new jobs bill, which might now be open for negotiations, does not adequately protect said members of Congress from losing their jobs in the 2012 elections. Congressional leaders claim they will ... Read More & Comments

Bachmann campaign reveals fictional characters as new staff members 9/13/2011 9:00 AM Matt Rock - After last week's stunning announcement that Ed Rollins has stepped down from his role as campaign manager, Michele Bachmann's Presidential campaign staff has this week stunned the political world with their revelation that fictional characters from movies and tele... Read More & Comments

Pardon the pundit passes 15K likes on Facebook 9/12/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden - Pardon the Pundit passed a major milestone this afternoon when the site’s Facebook page received its 15,000th Like, officially making PTP the 812th most popular left-leaning satirical political news site on the web. Staffers in our world headquarters immediately ce... Read More & Comments

9/11 9/11/2011 5:10 AM Staff - Even we at Pardon The Pundit know that not everything is funny. Even we who spend many – okay, most - of our waking hours looking for ways to turn the weird world of politics on its head sometimes stop, take a breath and shake our own heads at the way some stories... Read More & Comments

Conservatives go missing, said to have acknowledged President Obama's good works 9/10/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Authorities in Texas, Arizona, and Louisiana have reported that a cumulative 374 Conservatives have apparently gone missing this year, each having publicly offered President Obama some degree of praise shortly before their disappearances. Anonymous sources claim t... Read More & Comments

Rick Perry: More taste, less filling 9/9/2011 8:51 PM Alyson Durden - Now that Texas Governor Rick Perry has officially entered the 2012 presidential race, people have started making the clear comparisons to President George W. Bush.

“With Rick Perry you get all the moral conviction and religious fervor, without all of that pe... Read More & Comments

Obama: “OK, Fine, Screw You America” 9/8/2011 8:02 PM Ross Sherman - In an unscheduled press conference coming on the heels of his Midwestern tour, President Obama today shocked reporters with an enraged, expletive-laden rant that left his own advisors dumbfounded and scrambling to spin the story in a positive light.

“The Pre... Read More & Comments

Brain-eating zombies get no help from Congress 9/8/2011 8:10 AM Floyd Harden - Brain-eating zombies lurched into the nation’s capital yesterday in search of a meal and, like everyone else, were disappointed to find Congress back in session.

The trouble began when Rex Pendergrass, a grad student working on his PhD in genetic engineeri... Read More & Comments

Male porn stars flashing GOP Presidential candidates in support of gay rights, industry recognition 9/7/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Elements of the pornographic entertainment industry have been showing up at the events of GOP Presidential candidates along the campaign trail, and they've been baring more than just their opinions. As of the publishing of this news piece, a total of six GOP Presi... Read More & Comments

Republicans announce raffles to exploit national tragedies 9/6/2011 10:45 PM Floyd Harden - The Republican Party knows a good idea when they see one.

After Arizona Republicans raised money to field a candidate to oppose Democratic Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords by raffling off a handgun similar to the one used to wound Giffords and kill 6 other... Read More & Comments

Jon Huntsman reacts to poll numbers, shows he’s not dead 9/6/2011 9:35 AM Alyson Durden - In a rare moment of candor, Governor Jon Huntsman showed a level of energy most people didn’t think he had when he let lose a tirade about how upset he is that his numbers remain at around one percent while newcomer Governor Rick Perry has skyrocketed to the top of... Read More & Comments

Leprechauns riot on news GOP is screwing the little people 9/5/2011 3:00 PM Floyd Harden - A peaceful Labor Day march by a cheerful band of leprechauns turned ugly in San Francisco today when a rumor spread among participants that Republicans are sticking it to the wee people. The march, which began at Harrington’s Pub, the city’s Irish Mecca, was origi... Read More & Comments

Members of Congress going door to door to improve poll numbers 9/4/2011 8:00 PM Matt Rock - In an effort to turn around lackluster polling figures, members of the House of Representatives have begun going door-to-door across America to meet with regular citizens and show the people that Congress isn't completely made up of adults with the brains of childr... Read More & Comments

Palin delivers really important speech 9/4/2011 8:30 AM Floyd Harden - In what was billed as a “really important speech” in Iowa yesterday, Sarah Palin pulled no punches as she attacked all of the top contenders seeking to replace Barack Obama. Palin didn’t hold back as she went after Rick Perry, Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann. In... Read More & Comments

Rush Limbaugh releasing new cologne for men 9/3/2011 3:00 PM Matt Rock - Conservative radio personality Rush Limbaugh announced this morning that later this fall, he'll be releasing a new fragrance for men that he claims will revolutionize the cologne industry. The announcement was shockingly non-controversial, marking the first time i... Read More & Comments

Tea Party schedules protest at MLK monument, demands statues of Jesus, Reagan, others 9/2/2011 8:28 PM Matt Rock - The Tea Party is organizing a protest at the new MLK monument on the Mall in Washington DC, claiming Conservative figures aren't being adequately represented with statues, quotes, and the fanfare surrounding their openings. The protest, set to take place next week... Read More & Comments

Texas secedes - Nobody cares 9/2/2011 8:15 AM Floyd Harden - The Texas State Legislature voted unanimously yesterday to secede from the union and establish a new nation, The United State of Texas. When secession was announced, spontaneous celebrations erupted across Texas with citizens getting drunk on Lone Star beer, braggi... Read More & Comments

Cheney’s book goes on sale – no reports of exploding heads 9/1/2011 3:01 PM Floyd Harden - Former Vice President Dick Cheney’s new book “In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir” has been released with great fanfare, but so far has failed to deliver on Cheney’s promise to explode heads. The book, which paints a picture of Cheney as a steady, soft-spo... Read More & Comments

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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.