Pardon The Pundit - Political Satire and Humor Archives September 2012

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Romney campaign suing Facebook over upcoming “housekeeping” 9/30/2012 3:12 PM Matt Rock - Mitt Romney's presidential campaign lashed out against Facebook today, threatening legal action after the social networking giant announced they'd be doing some minor, routine housekeeping on their website this week. The campaign claims that the site's maintenance... Read More & Comments

Next season of the Supreme Court starts Monday! 9/29/2012 8:07 PM Matt Rock - It's finally here! America's favorite highest court is back with a new session starting Monday. And tensions are running high after the season finale back in late June, when Chief Justice Roberts stunned viewers with a shocking team-switch to uphold Obamacare. T... Read More & Comments

Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks to PTP about affair with maid 9/29/2012 11:34 AM Matt Rock - Former California “Governator” Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told CBS' “60 Minutes” that his sexual affair with his family's housekeeper was “the stupidest thing I've done in the whole relationship.” Hoping to follow up with greater detail on the story, PTP reach... Read More & Comments

Apple CEO's apology for “Maps” isn't enough for most customers 9/28/2012 3:23 PM Matt Rock - Apple CEO Tim Cook issued a formal apology today for the company's nefarious Maps app, saying the product “fell short” and that Apple is “doing everything we can to make Maps better.” We reached out to Apple Maps users today to find out what they think of Cook's a... Read More & Comments

Romney defends use of the word “harvest” after new video leaks 9/27/2012 8:30 PM Matt Rock - Mitt Romney defended himself today against yet another older video, this one also unearthed by Mother Jones, in which Romney, speaking at an event in 1985, claimed that Bain Capital was designed to, quote, “invest in startup companies and ongoing companies, then to... Read More & Comments

Both candidates vow to save the world after report of bacon shortage spreads 9/27/2012 9:31 AM Matt Rock - Global panic has been brewing in the wake of a report issued by Great Britain's National Pig Association that claims that a worldwide shortage of bacon and other pork products is “unavoidable,” and is due to strike in 2013. Major presidential candidates have weigh... Read More & Comments

Joe Biden attempts to become a referee, ends up with job at Foot Locker 9/26/2012 3:15 PM Matt Rock - Vice President Joe Biden managed to make the news again earlier today, after a reporter visiting a DC-area shoe store was fitted for new running sneakers by Scranton's most famous son. After confirming his identity with Biden's Secret Service entourage, the report... Read More & Comments

North Koreans angered when Mitt Romney joke stops launch pad construction 9/25/2012 8:10 PM Matt Rock - A launch pad being built by North Korea for the firing of intercontinental ballistic missiles saw a full cease in construction today, after dozens of workers broke out in laughter after having somehow learned about Mitt Romney's most recent speaking flub, wherein t... Read More & Comments

Obama admits campaign has been a little rough with Mitt Romney 9/25/2012 10:35 AM Matt Rock - President Obama followed up his recent “60 Minutes” interview, in which he admitted that his campaign's advertising has been harsh toward the opposition, by repeating himself this morning with PTP, while briefly chatting with us about mudslinging in the 2012 electi... Read More & Comments

“Tanning Mom” elaborates on criticism of Romney's fake tan 9/24/2012 4:22 PM Matt Rock - Patricia Krentcil (famously known as the “tanning mom”) recently gave an exclusive interview to Huffington Post where she declared that the alleged tan sported by Mitt Romney during a recent appearance on Univision was fake, stating that it was “way too orange” and... Read More & Comments

Fact Check: is Mitt Romney “the least popular candidate in history?” 9/23/2012 8:08 PM Matt Rock - New York Times columnist David Brooks recently stated that Mitt Romney is “the least popular candidate in history” during an NBC “Meet the Press” roundtable discussion regarding the 2012 presidential election. This concept has been presented before as well, by bot... Read More & Comments

Jill Biden makes more “adult” references during another campaign stop 9/23/2012 10:54 AM Matt Rock - On Friday, Second Lady Dr. Jill Biden accidentally referenced her husband's penis during a campaign event in New Hampshire, making a “large” gesture with her hands while saying that she's “seen Joe up close,” prompting the audience to burst out in laughter and chee... Read More & Comments

Government avoids 99th shutdown, almost earns big reward 9/22/2012 3:10 PM Matt Rock - Congress managed to pass another eleventh-hour stopgap measure to keep the federal government in business last night, agreeing to prevent a government shutdown with little time to spare, as House and Senate members head off on an undeserved vacation, rewarding them... Read More & Comments

PTP learns stunning new details about secret Monica Lewinsky book 9/21/2012 9:08 PM Matt Rock - Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky is rumored to be shopping around a new “top secret” book, which tabloids are claiming will be a tell-all memoir describing her famed sexual relationship with former President Bill Clinton. However, PTP has obtained an earl... Read More & Comments

Ruth Bader Ginsburg discusses gay marriage with PTP 9/21/2012 11:02 AM Matt Rock - Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg recently stated that the nation's highest court is likely to rule on gay marriage in the next year, an announcement she made while speaking at the University of Colorado in Boulder. This prompted PTP to reach out to to the... Read More & Comments

John McCain defends Romney, points out similarities with '08 campaign 9/20/2012 6:02 PM Matt Rock - Arizona Senator and 2008 GOP presidential contender John McCain took a few moments earlier today to stand in defense of Mitt Romney, whose been under fire this week after having made what many analysts on the left and the right consider to be a career-ending gaffe,... Read More & Comments

Obama jokes about Romney on International Talk Like a Pirate Day 9/19/2012 8:20 PM Staff - President Obama celebrated the parodic holiday “International Talk Like a Pirate Day” today, during a press conference in the White House Rose Garden. The president had been answering questions regarding growing tensions in the middle east, before eventually turni... Read More & Comments

Teachers' strike suspended after Rahm Emanuel makes bomb threats 9/19/2012 10:45 AM Matt Rock - The Chicago Teachers Union agreed to put their educators back to work, with students heading to classes in the city today, after Chicago Mayor and former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel made a thinly-veiled threat against the union's leaders and workers in ... Read More & Comments

Romney offended himself with his own “47%” gaffe, personal journal reveals 9/18/2012 3:10 PM Matt Rock - Presidential candidate Mitt Romney latest gaffe-induced firestorm hasn't only enraged liberals, conservatives, and independents alike, offending much of the country with his brazen disregard for nearly half of the populace... Romney has gone so far to offend himsel... Read More & Comments

President Obama under fire after talking smack to child in video game 9/17/2012 8:16 PM Matt Rock - President Barack Obama has drawn sharp criticism from the media and politicians on both sides of the aisle this evening, after having trash-talked a 14-year old boy in the online computer game “Battlefield 3.” The youth, who was repeatedly ganked by the Commander ... Read More & Comments

Romney says Clint Eastwood was his first choice for a future biopic 9/17/2012 11:30 AM Matt Rock - On Friday, Mitt Romney stated in an interview with ABC's “Live! With Kelly and Michael” that he'd like 82-year old Hollywood legend Gene Hackman to portray him in a movie, if a movie were ever made about him. But today, during an interview with PTP, Romney admitte... Read More & Comments

Romney learns what “middle class” is, faints during press conference 9/16/2012 3:29 PM Matt Rock - On Friday, Mitt Romney was asked by George Stephanopoulos of ABC's “Good Morning America” if he considered $100,000 middle-income, to which Romney said “no, middle income is $200,000 to $250,000,” which has since drawn many Americans to believe that Romney is woefu... Read More & Comments

Celebutante university angered by Joe Biden's recent flub 9/15/2012 8:18 PM Matt Rock - A prominent university on a small tropical island expressed outrage earlier today toward Vice President Joe Biden, after Biden not only mixed up the name of an American university he was speaking at, but spoke on behalf of the foreign university as well. That univ... Read More & Comments

Congress adopts kittens to boost approval, ends up annoying Americans more 9/15/2012 11:00 AM Matt Rock - In an effort to bolster Congress' dismal approval ratings, House Speaker John Boehner authorized the purchase of 535 kittens – one for each of the 435 members of the House and 100 members of the Senate – as well as the expense of “providing Capitol Hill with the ne... Read More & Comments

Romney: “I'll be the Bugs Bunny President” 9/14/2012 3:07 PM Matt Rock - Earlier today, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney told reporters that he'd be “the Bugs Bunny President” during a press conference, when responding to questions over his highly controversial remarks regarding the recent spread of violence against American embassi... Read More & Comments

Beer commercial characters endorsing Obama in droves 9/13/2012 8:32 PM Matt Rock - Jonathan Goldsmith, better known as “the most interesting man in the world” from Dos Equis commercials, will be holding a fundraiser on Tuesday at his home in Burlington, Vermont in support of President Obama's reelection campaign. And now, several other fictional... Read More & Comments

PTP investigates Tea Party activist's claim that Obama is gay 9/13/2012 10:45 AM Matt Rock - Author and Tea Party activist Jerome Corsi made the news last month when he suggested that President Barack Obama might be secretly gay. And this week, Corsi has been at it again, writing an article for the right-wing website World Net Daily in which he claims to ... Read More & Comments

Glenn Beck's return to TV hailed as networks push for more insanity 9/12/2012 3:35 PM Matt Rock - Glenn Beck is making his return to television soon, after having signed a deal with satellite company Dish Network to broadcast Beck's online network, “TheBlazeTV,” for Dish customers. Dish reportedly agreed to pay Beck “his full worth,” which is estimated to be $... Read More & Comments

9/11 9/11/2012 10:41 AM Staff - Even we at Pardon The Pundit know that not everything is funny. Even we who spend many – okay, most - of our waking hours looking for ways to turn the weird world of politics on its head, even we sometimes stop, take a breath and shake our own heads at the way som... Read More & Comments

Romney campaign settles confusion on preexisting conditions 9/10/2012 3:11 PM Matt Rock - Yesterday, the Romney campaign dished up quite a bit of confusion regarding where the candidate stands on health care reform. Shortly after Mitt Romney told “Meet the Press” that he supports some elements of the Affordable Care Act, including the ban on insurance ... Read More & Comments

Romney launches “Revise America” campaign, refuting fact-checkers 9/9/2012 9:57 PM Matt Rock - Next week, Mitt Romney's presidential campaign will be doubling-down on their efforts to discredit fact-checkers, and facts themselves, with the launch of their new “Revise America” ad campaign. The campaign of TV and radio spots will focus on proving to the Ameri... Read More & Comments

Paul Ryan convinced Mitt Romney to smoke pot, sources say 9/8/2012 4:37 PM Matt Rock - GOP vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan seems to be a bad influence for GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney. According to numerous sources inside the Romney/ Ryan campaign, Congressman Ryan was able to convince Romney to smoke approximately one joint of marijua... Read More & Comments

Homeland Security warns of coming zombie apocalypse, say they're “kidding” 9/7/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - The Department of Homeland Security made headlines this week after warning the American populace that “zombies are coming,” claiming the warnings were made in an effort to prepare American citizens for a variety of other natural disasters, such as hurricanes, earth... Read More & Comments

Obama campaign celebrates after Biden speech contained no swear words 9/7/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - President Barack Obama's re-election campaign held a swanky, lavish party last night after the 2012 Democratic National Convention was wrapped up. But they weren't celebrating the convention itself, or any of the widely-praised speeches therein. Well, except for ... Read More & Comments

Fact Check: Bill Clinton exposed himself 11 times, not 29, during DNC 9/6/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - Bill Clinton's speech at the Democratic National Convention last night drew sharp criticism from conservative pundits and bloggers throughout the evening and into this morning, particularly after the former president exposed himself repeatedly on stage. However, P... Read More & Comments

God's convention pass revoked after heated DNC delegate vote 9/5/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - God, creator of the universe and everything in it that wasn't created in Hell or New Jersey or other undesirable locations no one ever wants to visit, was heartbroken when his event pass, granting him full access to the 2012 Democratic National Convention, was revo... Read More & Comments

Republican group labeled terrorists after unplugging teleprompters at DNC 9/5/2012 7:05 AM Staff - An unruly group of Tea Party activists have been officially labeled a domestic terrorist organization tonight by the State Department and the Department of Homeland Security, after a team of demonstrators ruthlessly attacked the Democratic National Convention in Ch... Read More & Comments

Dems vow to set mature tone at DNC, sling mud at Republicans for mudslinging 9/4/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - The Democratic Party is promising to show America that, compared to the Republican party, they're the mature, responsible adults in contemporary politics, vowing to set a radically different tone at the Democratic National Convention this week in Charlotte, North C... Read More & Comments

Historic! Art school grad lands salaried job in Labor Day surprise 9/3/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Kyle Robertson, a 25-year old college graduate with a degree from a prestigious art school in New York, made history today when an employer actually called him and offered him a real, salary-based, permanent job. Robertson, who was previously working in a chic Gre... Read More & Comments

Mitt Romney's five tips to a fun-filled Labor Day 9/3/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - In celebration of Labor Day, Mitt Romney released a brief letter to the public from his campaign's website this morning, outlining five brief tips on how we can celebrate the holiday in fun, safe ways. We're publishing Romney's full letter here on PTP, unedited, a... Read More & Comments

Obama invites Charlotte Occupiers to special convention event 9/2/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - As the Occupy Wall Street movement's Charlotte, North Carolina branch gears up for the Democratic National Convention next week, the Obama Administration has reached out in a show of singularity with their cause, inviting OWS demonstrators to take part in a special... Read More & Comments

Romney defends his having told flood victim to “go home and call 211” 9/1/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Never straying too far from controversy, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney sparked fresh debate yesterday after having visited a stretch of Louisiana devastated by Hurricane Isaac in the past week. Today, Romney spoke out in self-defense after being criticized ... Read More & Comments

Poll shows that Obama is winning female voters, sky is blue, “A” is a letter 9/1/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - Lifetime television, a network that usually focuses less on politics and more on making viewers cry about the relationships of perfect strangers, released a new poll on Thursday that shows that female voters overwhelmingly support President Obama over Mitt Romney. ... Read More & Comments

Campaign manager explains how Obama has almost 10 million donations 9/30/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Obama campaign manager Jim Messina sent out an email to supporters last night, informing them that the president's reelection campaign is quickly approaching its ten-millionth grassroots donation, describing the upcoming mark as “a historic milestone in grassroots ... Read More & Comments

Republicans to counter Samuel L. Jackson campaign video with Chuck Norris 9/30/2012 8:30 AM Matt Rock - A recent, wildly-popular viral internet video created by the Jewish Council for Education and Research shows Hollywood film star Samuel L, Jackson teaming up with a young girl to convince her family to become more active in the 2012 presidential race by helping Pre... Read More & Comments

Obama, Romney take very different approaches to debate prep 9/29/2012 3:58 PM Matt Rock - On Wednesday, October 3rd at 9pm EST, President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney will face off in the first of a series of four debates leading up to the 2012 presidential election; three televised, and one in text form which will be prese... Read More & Comments

G.W. Bush distancing himself from Romney after stunning new poll 9/28/2012 8:10 PM Matt Rock - A new poll released by Bloomberg News earlier this week shows that Mitt Romney's approval rating has dropped below that of former President George W. Bush for the first time, most likely a result of the string of gaffes and internet memes that have blighted the Rom... Read More & Comments

Baby hasn't slept in three months after being held by Michele Bachmann 9/28/2012 11:10 AM Matt Rock - Doctors have finally discovered why Cynthia Baker, a 14-month old infant from St. Paul, Minnesota, has reportedly not slept in three full months. Her insomnia had baffled physicians and researchers until yesterday, when it was learned that her father, Kevin Baker,... Read More & Comments

Obama admits drones flew over London after PM put him on hold 9/27/2012 3:30 PM Matt Rock - Charlie Brooks, a key figure in the famed phone hacking scandal in the UK, recently claimed that Prime Minister David Cameron once told President Barack Obama that he'd “call him back,” as he was allegedly busy at that moment playing tennis with Brooks. While sour... Read More & Comments

Mitt Romney makes shocking direct-to-camera ad 9/26/2012 8:12 PM Matt Rock - In the midst of one of the most turbulent periods of any presidential campaign in recent history, Mitt Romney's campaign decided to have their candidate appear in a special television advertisement where he's talking directly to the camera, in the hopes of making a... Read More & Comments

Federal funds to stop NJ foreclosures used for “Smell New Jersey” program 9/26/2012 9:36 AM Matt Rock - It was recently reported that $300 million in federal money given to the State of New Jersey for the Homekeeper Program hasn't actually gone to families in need of assistance with stopping foreclosures on their homes. But this morning, the story proved to have an ... Read More & Comments

Mitt Romney offers engineering advice for submarines 9/25/2012 3:15 PM Matt Rock - Presidential candidate Mitt Romney offered sharp criticism to a crew of shipyard engineers working on building new submarines for the United States Navy, pointing out several of what he deemed to be flaws in “the basic design of a submarine.” However, Romney's sta... Read More & Comments

Romney campaign caves to media, gets specific with their plans 9/24/2012 8:08 PM Matt Rock - Mitt Romney's presidential campaign has been criticized by liberal and conservative media alike for their very non-specific approach to laying out policy plans, often saying they'll hash out the specifics after they're already in office. But today, Team Romney rea... Read More & Comments

Obama nearly makes ultimate concession, later asserts he isn't dropping out of race 9/24/2012 8:30 AM Matt Rock - President Obama has been criticized throughout his presidency for being too soft on conservatives, taking fire from the left for offering concessions too easily to a GOP that refuses to work with him or offer him any sort of credit where credit is due. And last ev... Read More & Comments

PTP obtains Mitt Romney's 2003 tax returns! 9/23/2012 4:45 PM Matt Rock - Pardon the Pundit has exclusively obtained a copy of Mitt Romney's 2003 tax returns, after several weeks of bribes, extortion, blackmailing, caring for house pets, visiting with other people's grandparents, sexual favors, And watching Nickelback live in concert. D... Read More & Comments

Ann Romney's plane got annoyed, “gave up,” says FAA investigation 9/22/2012 9:35 PM Matt Rock - Ann Romney's airplane was forced on Friday to make an emergency landing in Denver, Colorado after the cabin flooded with smoke. Everyone onboard the small private jet was safe and walked away completely unharmed, but a Federal Aviation Administration investigation... Read More & Comments

Romney cordially invited to over-tanning club after Univision appearance 9/22/2012 10:30 AM Matt Rock - The Crispy Orange Tanner's Society extended a cordial invitation to GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney this morning to officially join their organization, following Romney's Wednesday-night appearance on Univision. Romney appeared overly tanned, though many po... Read More & Comments

Romney campaign releases 2011 taxes, revealing several stunning write-offs 9/21/2012 3:17 PM Matt Rock - Less than an hour ago, Mitt Romney's campaign released the GOP presidential candidate's tax returns for 2011, caving after weeks upon weeks of demands from the public, the media, and Democrats. Romney paid an effective tax rate of 14.1% in 2011 – significantly les... Read More & Comments

Obama makes outlandish comments while enjoying total lack of press coverage 9/20/2012 9:10 PM Matt Rock - President Obama took advantage of Mitt Romney's “47%” firestorm today, while addressing a crowd of reporters in the White House Rose Garden that didn't seem to be paying much attention to what he was saying. Obama, who has skyrocketed in national polls as well as ... Read More & Comments

Romney honors Thailand's National Youth Day during press conference 9/20/2012 11:58 AM Matt Rock - Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney made what many consider to be yet another gaffe this morning, while holding a press conference in response to President Obama's pirate-talk insults last night, which strangely Pardon the Pundit was the only news organization in the ... Read More & Comments

Romney claims evil twin brother "Willy" made series of huge gaffes 9/19/2012 4:05 PM Matt Rock - Mitt Romney put together what his campaign labeled an “emergency press conference” this afternoon. At that event, Romney, appearing before the cameras bruised and wearing his arm in a sling, made a startling announcement: it wasn't him that committed his almost le... Read More & Comments

Romney launches “let's start over. Hi, I'm Mitt!” campaign 9/18/2012 8:30 PM Matt Rock - In an effort to reverse some of the negative press his presidential campaign has attracted in recent weeks and months, Mitt Romney announced today that he'll be rolling out a new advertising campaign throughout the next two weeks that will be aimed at “starting ove... Read More & Comments

Birthers make shocking discovery, claim it proves Obama's foreign birth 9/18/2012 11:00 AM Matt Rock - A startling new discovery made by the famed “birther” movement might prove definitively that President Barack Obama was not born in the United States. A team of lawyers that have represented the birthers in a series of failed trials claims that one birther, Mortim... Read More & Comments

Romney adviser: “We're totally losing right now on purpose!” 9/17/2012 3:38 PM Matt Rock - An anonymous senior-level adviser in the Romney campaign claims that they're intentionally behind in polls, as a part of a strategy that the campaign is calling “Operation Tortoise.” The allegedly well-planned idea is designed to force President Obama's reelection... Read More & Comments

New super-PAC stands behind Rick Santorum, says “smart people is dumb” 9/16/2012 9:37 PM Matt Rock - Yesterday, former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum spoke at the Values Voter Summit, attacking the media and stating that conservatives will, quote, “never have the elite, smart people on our side.” Santorum has been lambasted by some for the remark, espec... Read More & Comments

Occupy Wall Street to surround NY Stock Exchange, talks about future plans 9/16/2012 10:34 AM Matt Rock - Occupy Wall Street plans on surrounding the Stock Exchange in New York City's financial district on Monday, the one-year anniversary of their launch, with further plans to disrupt traffic and bring America's corporate powers to a standstill. This will be the fir... Read More & Comments

Poll numbers turn on Romney after he admits Snooki appreciation 9/15/2012 3:12 PM Matt Rock - This week was unkind to Mitt Romney. After making what many consider to be the biggest and most detrimental gaffe of his entire political career on Tuesday, the former Massachusetts Governor committed what may very well prove to be an even bigger gaffe on Friday, ... Read More & Comments

Scott Walker vows to “outlaw people” after union law is stricken down 9/14/2012 9:46 PM Matt Rock - Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker stirred up a fresh batch of hysteria this evening after a judge struck down the controversial union-busting law that brought the State into the news for a lengthy period of time. Walker vowed that if he can't outlaw collective barga... Read More & Comments

Liberals rejoice as Obama, Clinton announce joint presidency 9/14/2012 10:16 AM Matt Rock - Taking a brief break from the major international crisis the nation has been facing this week, President Barack Obama joined former President Bill Clinton for a press conference this morning that will surely unify the liberal base and ensure Obama a second term in ... Read More & Comments

Dictators around the globe voice opposition to NYC's soda ban 9/13/2012 4:09 PM Matt Rock - This morning, New York City's Board of Health approved Mayor Michael Bloomberg's proposal to ban most large sugar-sweetened beverages from restaurants, movie theaters, and other establishments. The new prohibition effort doesn't affect diet sodas, alcoholic bevera... Read More & Comments

Palin elaborates on comment that Obama needs to “grow” a “big stick” 9/12/2012 8:06 PM Matt Rock - Sarah Palin managed to make headlines again while lounging around at home in her underwear, after commenting in a Facebook post that President Obama “likes to speak softly to our enemies. If he doesn't have a big stick to carry, maybe it's time for him to grow one... Read More & Comments

GM announces big changes to the Chevy Volt 9/12/2012 10:32 AM Matt Rock - Shortly after Reuters revealed that General Motors is losing as much as $50,000 on each new Chevrolet Volt they sell, the company has announced a major sweep of changes that are due to affect the plug-in hybrid car in 2013. And while most industry experts agree th... Read More & Comments

Obama out-raises Romney, but Clinton raises more than both without trying 9/10/2012 8:45 PM Matt Rock - President Obama's reelection campaign managed to narrowly beat out GOP nominee Mitt Romney's fundraising efforts in August, hauling in $114 million to Romney's 111.6 million. But while this news might seem rather positive for Obama, other news shows that the resul... Read More & Comments

Congress vows to get candy corn Oreos removed from shelves 9/10/2012 11:05 AM Matt Rock - In a push to get their approval ratings out of negative-double-digit territory, Congress announced this morning that they will do everything within their legislative power to have Nabisco's new Candy Corn Oreos banned in all fifty States. The stunning announcement... Read More & Comments

Yoko Ono protesting fracking in New York 9/9/2012 3:06 PM Matt Rock - Yoko Ono is taking a stand against hydraulic fracturing (“hydrofracking”), a dangerous and controversial method of extracting natural gas, with a group that she has dubbed “Artists Against Fracking.” Their goal is to inspire residents of New York State to protest ... Read More & Comments

John McCain defends Mitt Romney as internet meme explodes 9/8/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - An internet meme aimed at Mitt Romney put John McCain on the defensive today, during a brief interview with PTP where we were hoping to find out what McCain thought of the two conventions. Instead, the Arizona Senator and 2008 GOP presidential nominee decided to f... Read More & Comments

Romney to personally fund second GOP convention in October 9/7/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney will allegedly spend as much as $80 million of his own personal money to host a second Republican National Convention before the election in November. The news comes after many analysts and pundits declared victory for Democrat... Read More & Comments

President Obama's speech-prep revealed! 9/6/2012 8:06 PM Matt Rock - Approximately one hour after this article is published on PTP, President Barack Obama will deliver one of the most critical speeches of his reelection campaign at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina. The bar has been raised for Presiden... Read More & Comments

Obama infuriated by Clinton speech, says it was “too damn good” 9/6/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - White House insiders say that President Obama was outraged by the quality of former President Bill Clinton's speech last night, calling it “too damn good” and insisting that he “can't top that.” Obama has reportedly ordered his full speech-writing staff to return ... Read More & Comments

Betty White to make surprise appearance at DNC, talk to mannequin 9/5/2012 3:05 PM Staff - Comedy legend Betty White will make a surprise appearance at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday evening, according to PTP's sources in Hollywood. White, who endorsed President Obama in May of this year and has been a vocal supporter of his administrati... Read More & Comments

Cory Booker wins 2020, 2024 presidential elections after DNC speech 9/4/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Newark, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker managed to make history earlier this evening, after his fiery speech at the Democratic National Convention prematurely secured him two future presidential wins, in 2020 and 2024 respectively. This marks the first time a person ... Read More & Comments

Democratic National Convention enduring strange gaffe shortage 9/4/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - Today, as the 2012 Democratic National Convention kicks things off in Charlotte, North Carolina, local, State, and party officials are claiming that a massive shortage of gaffes might ruin the DNC, making the whole event boring and unwatchable. Officials say they'... Read More & Comments

Joe Biden calls out to criminals who stole his U-Haul truck in Detroit 9/3/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - On Sunday, a U-Haul truck rented by the Secret Service that was carrying equipment for Joe Biden's trip to Detroit was stolen from outside of their hotel. The Secret Service has assured the public that the truck contained no weapons. But according to Vice Preside... Read More & Comments

White House beer recipe draws criticism 9/2/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - A recent White House blog titled “Ale to the Chief” released a small collection of beer recipes to the public, after a Reddit user submitted a formal request under the Freedom of Information Act. President Obama recently said his campaign bus was fully stocked wit... Read More & Comments

Joe Biden offends masses adopting numerous ethnic-sounding nicknames 9/2/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - After having referred to himself as “Joe Bidenopoulos” to a Greek man in Ohio on Friday, Vice President Joe Biden has been offending various ethnic groups all weekend, according to elements of the press pool that follows him during his campaigning efforts.

S... Read More & Comments

Democrats, Republicans set aside their differences for international bacon day 9/1/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - Every so often, Democrats and Republicans will sit down like adults and have meaningful, mature, sensible conversations with their peers. Today is one of those days, as political forces from both parties come together on the Saturday before Labor Day to celebrate ... Read More & Comments

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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.