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President Bush's old “Kill List” surfaces, and PTP has it here!
6/2/2012 8:29 PM Matt Rock -
President Barack Obama apparently isn't the only President to have looked at lengthy lists of terror suspects, on which he could base a decision on who to kill and who to let live. Historians are claiming that many Presidents have elected to use such lists, especially during times of tremendous international turmoil.
Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, also created a “kill list”; a list of people he wanted to see killed, along with brief explanations as to why. President Bush personally printed out and distributed this list to “all of our intelligent agencies (we think he meant `intelligence agencies'),” naming specifically “the FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, ATF, BBC, and ESPN” as recipients. One anonymous whistle-blower kept a copy of that document, and today, they're sharing it with PTP's readers exclusively!
Osama Bin Laden – I never got to finish reading “My Pet Goat,” damn it. Kill that fucker dead!
Hans Gruber – The bad guy in “Die Hard.” That Fabio guy came back at the end after I thought Bruce Willis killed him. That Hans Gruber guy might still be running around, looking for his detonators!
Will Farrell – That impression he does of me needs to stop. Live, from New York, it's three or four bullets in the head! Heh-heh-heh
Tony Blair – I think he liked Bill Clinton more than he likes me. I sent him nudey mags and a copy of Halo for Xbox damn it! What else does a guy need to do to get the affection of another dude?
Brush - I hate it. I hate all of it. I can't clear enough of it. And it sounds like “Bush,” and that's my Dad's name. I ain't never gonna be Jeb, Daddy. Why won't you love me?!
Pretzels - Kill all of the pretzels, and everyone that ever made pretzels, and everyone that likes eating pretzels. Damn things made an assassination attempt on me. That ain't gonna go unpunished!
The New York Yankees – Why didn't they ever invite me to play for them? Didn't they ever see my pitching arm? I'm like the motherfucking messiah of the mound!
Dick Cheney – Just kidding. We all know Dick Cheney can't be killed.
Batman – Everyone knows Superman is the best super hero. Batman needs to be stopped, cruising around in his little bat car, solving mysteries and keeping that little slave boy with him through all his adventures. What a tool!
My seventh grade English teacher – That whore of a woman tried telling me I wasn't good at writing. Well look at me now, you skank! I'm President of... uh... I'm the President! - Return to Previous Page
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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
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